The Girl for Me
What a relief! What a wonderful feeling! Danny fell back onto his bed after Kevin had dropped him off, amongst the boxes and bags of women's-wear that his mother had bought him. He didn't know which was better – getting fucked, or not having to deal with Kevin trying to give him head. Kevin didn't even want to do that! How handy was that? Maybe... maybe it could go on forever like this – him sucking Kevin, Kevin fucking him. It would be so perfect, if it could...
And god-DAYUM, man – so that was what an orgasm was like... He could use more of that. It had all just been so perfect, once Kevin let him be in control of the penetration. He'd probably be able to let Kevin do it, next time. Maybe face-to-face, maybe doggy-style, whatever. Any way would be good. Danny was already looking forward to it.
He chuckled to himself, it was so funny. Him and Kevin. The Bastard Asshole. I-only-like-girls Kevin. He looked at the roses still sitting on his desk, next to the still-unopened box of chocolates, and the model theater, now on his dresser. Yeah you went overboard, Kev – by about a factor of three! He smiled to himself. This was so wonderful!
Kevin, also, plopped down on his bed when he got back to the borrowed apartment. His mind was occupied with Danny much the same way Danny was thinking about him. Who'd a thunk he'd fall like this for a boy! He didn't regret it, though – in fact, it was actually kind of cool. At first, the "coolness" had been because it was so naughty, so different – but that was wearing off now, the novelty of kissing, making out with, fucking another guy. Speaking of which – Danny had sure enjoyed that. He idly wondered what it had been like for him, and decided that he probably couldn't imagine. From the look on Danny's face, it had obviously been... uncomfortable, at first, but then that had changed somehow, morphed into some kind of pleasure. Big Time pleasure, apparently. Kevin wondered if – one of these days – he might, y'know, try it out as the catcher. He smiled. Nah. Not bloody likely.
It was a perfect setup. Danny liked to give head and get screwed. Kevin wanted to get head and screw him. Serendipity. A perfect fit.
Except - y'know... it might be kinna fun, sucking Danny's dick. Getting the other boy off like that. He'd heard girls talk about the sense of power it gave them – being the one so completely controlling the pleasure like that. He hadn't understood what they were talking about before, but now, he was getting the idea. Because as Danny had been riding him, Kevin hadn't been in control of anything – Danny was simply taking his pleasure from Kevin. It would've been more fun to give that to him. Yeah.
And besides – Kevin had been watching Danny's dick, during the sex. He'd never actually seen it fully erect before. It was even cuter that way. Damn.
Wait. Wasn't "cock-sucker" supposed to be like, the most biggest put-down ever? "You cock-sucker!" Heh. Well, people were funny that way. After all, calling someone a "dick" was equally as bad as calling them a "pussy" - so obviously, whoever decided what the put-downs were gonna be hadn't really thought it out. Must've been some boob. Kevin smiled again.
Maybe being a cock-sucker wouldn't be such a bad thing, after all. Eventually, that is.
He was feeling too good to let the loneliness of a strange and empty apartment get to him. He gave Danny a call. They talked about nothing in particular for three hours.
The next day was Sunday, and as they'd discussed last night, Dani showed up at Kevin's apartment in the mid-morning. There were some things that needed doing. She was wearing one of the outfits her mother had bought – a grey skirt that went down below the knees, black turtle-neck, with a grey and white blazer over it. Business Casual. Not that casual, though – the high-heels still hurt as only new high-heels can, and she kicked them off as soon as she was in the door.
"Damn, Dani... What, no briefcase?"
"Shut up. This is Mom's big deal – showing off her new daughter, I guess. By the way – I'm her niece, if anyone asks. From Michigan. Grand Rapids. Oh – and my sister Stacy is going to be joining us too. She's kind of a fox – but I warn you, she's smart. She's studying medicine and music, her third year. Do not be hitting on my sister, Kevin."
"C'mon, that's not fair. You didn't have to say that. I'll be a perfect gentleman, I'll have eyes only for you. Which isn't hard, by the way – you doing something different with the makeup?"
"Color-coordination. Turns out I'm a 'spring' complexion. Hence the neutral 'fall' colors for the suit."
"It is fall..."
"The season has nothing to do with it, Kev, it's a whole – nevermind. I'm not sure I understand it all myself. Okay, look, we gotta go over some stuff before we go to the restaurant. I'm pretty sure you know all this stuff – I just wanna make sure you remember to do it, okay? Let's see. You know the difference between a wine-glass and a water-tumbler?"
"I think I saw this in some chick-flick. Pretty Woman, I think..."
"Exactly. And don't be putting down Pretty Woman – it's like my favorite movie of all time."
"It would be. So, are we gonna get to have any fun today, Dani?"
"Not likely. Mom wants to take me to her favorite jewelry place after dinner. She likes turquoise. I hate turquoise! I think I'm more of a topaz girl."
"Jade would look good on you. Uh, Dani? That outfit is making me hot... you kinna look like an English teacher or something..."
"Wanna blow-job? Get me something for my knees – I don't want to ruin these hose."
Kevin chuckled – of course he wanted a blow-job! Who the fuck ever turned down a blow-job? "You're the best girlfriend ever, Dani."
Sunday dinner went without a hitch, although he wasn't really required to say much – Stacy and Dani did most of the girl-talking, while their mother beamed proudly – and kept her squealing down to a minimum. All Kevin had to do was be polite and remember his manners. So aside from almost forgetting to pull Dani's chair out and stand up when she had to leave for the restroom, he performed admirably.
During the next week, Kevin began picking Danny up at home and driving him to football practice and school, then driving him back. While Danny practiced, he sat in the car – with the heater on – and read or did whatever Danny had told him to. There was one test left now – English. Luckily, reading comprehension wasn't a problem – if only Kevin would read something. Parts of speech, categories of words, and sentence diagramming were more problematic, but Danny had found some good remedial books on those subjects, so Kevin worked his way through them.
If Kevin did good with his studies, he'd get a blow-job before school. Actually, he got one anyway, but with less mock-begging if he'd done well with the English exercises. After school, they'd usually stop at Kevin's apartment, and have sex again. Sometimes, after the tutoring at Danny's house was over, they'd even do it again - quietly. Teenage boys...
Thursday, before the Christmas break.
"Kevin!" Danny shouted his name, not knowing if he was actually in the throng surrounding the bulletin board.
"Back here, Danny," Kevin said. He was leaning on the wall on the other side of the hallway, looking smug and strangely calm. That was the final state-mandated test posted up there, the one that would determine whether he graduated high school or not.
"Well? What's it say? How'd you do? Are you going-"
"Oh, I know I passed, Danny. Just don't feel like fighting the crowd to see what the score is. Not important." Kevin looked Danny up and down – his savior, the reason everything had turned out after all. Kevin owed Danny. Owed him a great deal, and for a lot of things. What was important now wasn't the score on a test he knew he passed – it was to thank Danny. For everything. Properly.
And he had been contemplating just how to do that. "C'mon. Follow me," he said.
Danny followed with only a little hesitation. "What's going on, Kev? Where are we going?"
"You'll see. Shush, now."
They went up stairs, and into the Biology classroom, now empty like most of the rest of the school, except for the crowd around the bulletin board on the first floor. Kevin continued to a locked door at the back of the class. He fished out a key.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Mrs. Klein gave it to me," Kevin replied, "I've been inventorying the specimens for the last couple of days – counting frogs and worms and stuff." He held the door open, "After you."
It smelled vaguely of formaldehyde and alcohol. Metal lockers lined the walls.
"So what are-" Danny's question was cut off as Kevin pulled him close and kissed him open-mouthed, his hand immediately going to loosen Danny's tie, and then unbutton his shirt. Danny didn't have a chance to speak again until his shirt had been opened, his under-shirt pulled up, and Kevin was nuzzling his way down his chest.
"Kev? Uh… okay, but couldn't it have waited until after we got to your place?"
"No," came the muffled response as Kevin brushed his lips on Danny's warm stomach, "I wanted to thank you now. Just relax, I'll do it this time."
He'll do it? Do what? Surely he doesn't think we're going to fuck in the Biology store-room. Besides, he ALWAYS "does it" when we… Kevin began unbuckling Danny's belt, his nose only a little above it. Oh… oh no… When it occurred to Danny what Kevin had in mind, he immediately began to panic - Oh, god, Kev… I thought we had a deal… that you understood. Oh fuck. Fuck! FUCK! What am I gonna do? Wait… Calm down. It's been a long time since Pete tried it… Maybe… maybe it'll be okay. Maybe I can… I won't look. That's it. Maybe if I don't watch, it'll be okay... Fuck. Why are you changing things, Kev? Dammit…
Danny stood stiff-backed while Kevin pulled down his pants, and then his underwear. Danny wasn't hard – but that was okay. More fun to get him that way, Kevin thought. If he'd have bothered to check Danny's face, he'd probably have stopped. But he didn't, and proceeded to simply put his mouth around the other boy's entire penis. It was actually a lot more fun than he'd have ever thought it'd be. He was looking forward to this! Imagine that – looking forward to sucking a dick. Well, that wasn't really it... looking forward to sucking Danny, then. Yeah. That was it. He squeezed Danny against the roof of his mouth and drew back, stretching him out.
Danny had his eyes squinted shut, he was trying to concentrate, but couldn't think of anything to concentrate on other than NOT letting what was happening "get to him". As a result, of course, it did.
His breath got short, his stomach got queasy, and a burst of intense – and expected – anxiety flooded his chest. For awhile, as Kevin mouthed him, Danny couldn't move, breath, or speak. Then, he could -
"KEV!" he screamed, pulling himself out of his boyfriend's mouth and covering himself with both hands, as if Kevin might get to it again, as if Kevin were the enemy. He doubled himself over his hands, even more protectively, and slid sideways on his back down the row of lockers, into the corner, turning to face it – even more protection. He felt as if he might throw up, so he went down on his knees, sitting on his heels, and tried to will the feelings – all of them - away.
"Danny? What the fuck... What's wrong?"
Danny didn't answer. He didn't even hear. He had his own problems. The secret was out now, everything was going to change. Dammit, Kev... why couldn't you just leave it alone? It was so good. We could have gone on that way... Why did you DO THIS!? I know you didn't want to. I didn't want you to either. Oh god... why does this happen to me? Why me? Why now? Goddammit...
Kevin came over, but didn't know what he should do. He knelt beside Danny, who was still facing into the corner, "Danny?"
"I... I... Kevin... just... give me a minute, okay?"
It was likely to be more than a minute, so Kevin sat cross-legged and waited.
He waited for five minutes, before Danny – who still hadn't moved – said, "I... I don't like... that."
Huh? "You... don't like blow-jobs?" Who the hell doesn't like blow-jobs? EVERYONE likes blow-jobs!
Danny began to stand up, pulling up his underwear and pants, putting everything away, tucking in his shirt-tail. Everything was squared away before he turned around. Kevin was standing now, too, wondering what he should do.
"You remember you once said I didn't have to go out of my way to make you feel stupid, Kevin?"
"Uh... yeah... That was-"
"Well, you don't have to make me feel more like a freak, okay? I... I already know that there's something wrong with me. I don't like being touched there at all. Ever. By anyone. Not even myself. It... it just makes me... Well, you saw."
"I also really, really, REALLY don't want to talk about it. All right? For now?"
Okay, Kevin thought, something's not right here. I mean, he's right. There's something wrong with him. And he doesn't wanna talk about it. How can I help if... well, okay. "For now, Danny. But I want you to know, uh... Well, that I'll listen, if – I mean, when you're ready. Okay?" He put his hands on Danny's hips, and touched foreheads.
"Okay. Let's just forget about it, huh? Pretend like this never happened?"
"Yeah. Let's get out of here..." Kevin said. Pretending like it never happened was... not a good thing. But then again, this wasn't the place or time to say that, either, and for once – Kevin didn't.
So things went back to normal, and much to Danny's relief. It hadn't gone that way with Peter Kopp – Pete had kept wanting to talk about it for weeks, until it had almost broken then up. But Kevin seemed to be okay with Danny's... "problem". He never mentioned it. Maybe it would be okay.
Over the Christmas break – when Danny wasn't busy with familial responsibilities, Kevin and Danny spent quite a lot of time together, and had quite a lot of sex, too. Quite a lot. Kevin, of course, had no family to speak of anymore. He was invited to Uncle Keith's once, but Danny's father was home, and he didn't want to go without Danny. Really, he knew that his uncle wanted to see Danny – or Dani – as much as he did Kevin. Danny was the interesting one, after all. Kevin was just... Kevin. He promised to come at a later date, though. Sometime when his Dad wouldn't be there, too.
At first, Danny was happy about all the sex. But as the days went by, he was more of a feeling that, well, he'd put up with it for the time being. At least Kevin wasn't asking him about The Other Thing. Still, Danny was beginning to feel that he was... not so much "being taken advantage of", as "being taken for granted". In all the time they'd been together, and all the times they'd "done it", Danny had never once said "no".
"Whaddaya mean 'no'?" Kevin asked.
"I mean, as in 'I don't feel like it'. C'mon, Kev... you've already got your rocks off twice today – and I have once. Isn't that enough?"
"Well... so let's make it three times for me and twice for you... Why not? You know you'll like it." Kevin couldn't understand his boyfriend's sudden reluctance. Everything had been going so well, for so long now, he'd come to expect that it would be that way all the time. After all, they were "lovers", weren't they? And they'd both enjoyed it each time... what was the problem? Danny had been great, so far! Unlike girls, he'd never seemed to expect anything "in return" for having sex. He was getting what he wanted at the same time Kevin was, right? Had something changed?
"It's just... y'know... aren't there other things we can do together? Kev... don't get me wrong – I love the sex. But..."
Danny frowned at him, "Not the way to get me in the mood, Kevin."
Kevin chuckled, "Sorry. Couldn't resist. All right, look. Maybe we have been hot and heavy for awhile, I dunno. I thought you liked it. I did. We'll go do something tomorrow... Go to the bookstore or something, okay?"
"You never have taken me to a concert..."
"I did so! That, uh, Bach thing, downtown-"
"That was a festival, Kev. That was jeans and t-shirts."
"You mean pleated-skirt and blouse, don'tcha?"
"Are you... making fun of me?"
"Danny... no. Well, maybe a little. I'm sorry, okay? It's just that, y'know, I'm going to graduate after all, and Uncle Keith likes me again, and I have my own apartment so I don't have to deal with my Dad, and you... you've been so great... I just feel good about things, is all. I'm happy. And horny."
"Well... just watch it, okay? So... you'll take me wherever I wanna go tomorrow?"
"You bet. So can we... uh..."
"Oh, all right. Fine. You know where the lube is."
"Uh... Kev? You need more lube..."
"Yeah. Yeah, in a sec..."
More than a minute later.
"Kev? I'm serious. It's... it's starting to hurt..."
"Just... just a sec... Danny..."
Less than fifteen seconds later.
"Okay, stop. Kev? Stop" Danny said, but Kevin seemed beyond hearing. "Kev? Kev!?"
"Yeah... yeah... oh, god..."
Danny tried to pull away, but Kevin forcefully pulled him back. He tried to roll his hips to one side, but again, Kevin shoved him back into place, and kept on going.
"Kevin! You're hurting me! Stop!"
But Kevin only grunted and thrust even more forcefully as he finally came to orgasm. The pain became searing.
"KEVIN!! GOD-DAMN IT! IT HURTS! STOP!" Tears began to roll down Danny's cheeks. There was nothing he could do. Danny liked submissive positions – letting Kevin "have" him, but there had always been mutual trust and consent. That was gone now. Kevin simply would not stop, and didn't seem to care what it was doing to Danny. He was trapped. He was helpless, and it fucking hurt!
"Aaaaaah... god..." Kevin finally relaxed his grip on Danny's hips as his orgasm began to fall away. Danny scrambled away from him, and climbed the couch until he could get to his feet. He took a step towards the bathroom – oh, god, every movement only made it worse...
"Danny?" Kevin said, still on his knees and bewildered, "Danny, where-"
"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE!?" Danny took fast but ape-like steps into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut.
"I'M FUCKING BLEEDING! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'M FUCKING BLEEDING!"
Kevin looked down at his penis. There was blood on it. Oh my god...
"D-do you want me to... is it... What can I... ?"
Kevin felt panic to a depth he never had before, as the other boy's fright infected him. Danny was bleeding – and he was the reason. He'd done that. How bad was it? Was it... dangerous? Should he call an ambulance? Should he – what the fuck SHOULD he do now? Danny of course hated his guts... But he couldn't just leave - what if something... happened... What was he going to do? What was he going to do?
He wasn't going to do anything naked. He began frantically pulling on his clothes – wait, maybe he should wash off his – no, fuck that, he pulled his underwear up over it, the red stain working through almost immediately. He looked at it. Danny's blood. Oh FUCK man...
Kevin pulled on his shirt but didn't button it. He made sure he had his keys, his wallet. Where was his cell-phone? Ah, there it was – now, what else. Some towels? What the fuck for? To keep his fucking upholstery clean? Gawd... what do I do? What do I do? What can I do? Danny...
Danny hadn't said anything for a while. Was he okay in there? Or was he... Kevin crept slowly and silently up to the door, listening for clues.
Danny was crying. He was bawling his eyes out in there.
Kevin fell to his knees, and waited, and listened. Something inside him died. Nothing would ever be the same, anymore.
The toilet flushed, and Kevin looked up at the door. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, on his knees, staring at blood-spots on the carpet. Too long.
"Danny?" he called quietly, ready for another vehement onslaught.
He heard the water run in the sink. What was going on in there? Was Danny okay or...
"Danny?" he tried again, "Danny, I-"
"I'll be all right. I think." Danny's voice was calm, cold, devoid of any emotion whatsoever.
"Do... do you need anything? I could go get, uh-"
"No," Danny replied icily from the other side.
"Is... is it bad?"
"How the fuck should I know? You think I can see it? You ignorant bastard..."
"I'm sorry, Danny..." Kevin said weakly.
For a long time, no more sounds came from within the bathroom. Then, eventually, "I'm gonna take a bath. Put my clothes outside the door. And call me a cab."
"I... I can drive-"
"PUT my fucking clothes outside the bathroom door and CALL me a FUCKING CAB!"
When Danny finally came out of the bathroom, walking with very short, measured steps, and wincing with each one, he didn't even look in Kevin's direction. He simply turned towards the apartment door and kept walking. His eyes were tearing up again with pain.
"Danny... I know you hate...me. But I... I..." Kevin said, still wanting to do something – anything – to help, or apologize, or make it better somehow. But the other boy didn't answer, and was almost at the door. "I , uh, gave the cabbie a hundred bucks... so... uh... Danny... Daniel..."
Danny slowly closed the door behind him, until it clicked shut.
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