The Girl for Me
"Your uncle is really cool, Kev. You're lucky" Danny said once they'd retrieved their cars and met at his house. It was already six o'clock.
"Yeah. That was ... freaky. He never even said anything about... you know..."
"About us. I know – you don't really expect old people to be cool. Seems weird when they are. So... Anyway. I think we can back off on the tutoring for a day, Kev" Danny said with a note of sadness. He pitied Kevin – from the way his father had been ranting on the phone, it sounded like there was going to be quite a scene when Kevin returned. "I guess you have things to take care of at home..."
"Fuck that. I'm in no hurry. Your Mom home?"
"Uh... meeting in Seattle. Back tomorrow around noon" Danny answered, wondering – and a little fearing – why Kevin had asked. He'd been behaving strangely since they'd had dinner with Uncle Keith. Actually, he'd been a little strange even then. And didn't he have business to attend to with his Dad?
"Ah. So, uhm, can I come in?"
Danny couldn't very well say No, I'm afraid of what might happen... although he was – a little. So instead, he said, "Yeah, c'mon in. Wanna play Doom again? I'll just use the pistol. But you can't pick up any Health Spheres, if we do that."
"Yeah... yeah, okay." They went in.
They both hung up their jackets on the hall coat-rack. Then Danny went ahead and changed clothes into something more comfortable – but he decided not to go with anything feminine. Instead, he put on old pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt. Kevin also took his shirt off in Danny's bedroom and laid it over the back of the desk chair. He decided to go ahead and wrinkle up the pants – it was their second day, so they were due for laundry and pressing anyway.
They set up the game, and sat cross-legged next to each other on Danny's bed.
Danny had just killed the other boy off for the first time when Kevin set down his controller, stretched out his legs, and pulled Danny over on top of him.
Not a word was spoken. They began kissing, their tongues meeting and sliding over and under each other. Danny was surprised, but at the same time... well, it was good, so he just let it happen. Maybe it would be okay. They'd kissed like this before, and nothing had happened... Their breaths began huffing from their noses – it wasn't taking very long. The previous week had been work, work, work, and in such close proximity to each other, with so much unspoken and un-done, that both of them felt a kind of desperation for this contact. Kevin's hands roamed Danny's body to places they'd never been before – under his shirt and onto his bare chest, down the back of his shorts...
When Kevin pushed him back and hurriedly pulled Danny's t-shirt up over his head, Danny finally had time to recover himself and wonder just what – exactly – Kevin had in mind. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, whatever "this" might be. For one thing – he wasn't in drag. And this wasn't Peter Kopp. And... there was the other, secret thing that Kevin didn't know about... Even besides all that he still didn't really believe that Kevin could be attracted to him "as a boy". Because he didn't feel sexy unless he was wearing girl's clothes, he couldn't understand how anyone else could find him that way, either. He looked at Kevin's face for clues once his shirt was off, and what he saw there both melted his heart and chilled his spine, at the same time.
Kevin wanted him. Bad.
Danny didn't get the chance to think about what that meant before Kevin's mouth was back on his, his hands once again roaming over Danny's bare back and chest, his fingers stopping sometimes to fondle and squeeze Danny's nipples. Oh god... he thought, he has no idea what that does to me...
That was true – Kevin didn't know. Nor did he really care. Kevin was horny, and just didn't care. It didn't hurt that what was going on would postpone the inevitable show-down with his father, either. He was dreading that. And loving this. It wasn't hard to choose. Consciously, Kevin wasn't really aware of Danny's gender - Danny really was just Danny to him – maybe he was a girl, maybe he was a boy. Maybe he was a little of both. Actually, the "boy" part was kind of a turn on - it was so... naughty. And that would surely piss his father off. So it was a win-win situation. And he needed release.
For Danny, it wasn't "release" that he needed as much as simple physical intimacy – it had been a long time since Peter Kopp in tenth grade. In fact, Danny had never felt "release" - and so didn't need what he didn't know about in the first place. But he knew what he did need. He broke off from Kevin's mouth and lifted the other boy's undershirt up to his neck, then began trailing kisses down Kevin's chest, diverging over to each of his nipples, then back down his belly. Danny could feel Kevin's erection – had been feeling it for some time. The boy was throbbing.
Kevin needed him, and Danny needed to be needed.
But was Kevin actually ready? Danny wondered about it as he nuzzled Kevin's belly-button, ready to begin opening the uniform trousers the other boy still wore. It was one thing to kiss and fondle – not that either of them had actually fondled that yet – but to actually do it? Would Kevin consider being given head as "sex"? Would it occur to him, if it did, that he'd be having "sex" with another guy? Just as Kevin had said that Danny was "obviously gay", Danny thought of Kevin as "obviously straight". Danny had tried to feel him out about it - making remarks about various "hot" guys they'd see on movie-posters, or on tv, or at school. All he ever got back was either a look of you're so weird or a snide remark like "Jesus, Danny, you're SO gay..." And yet, Kevin really did treat Danny like a boyfriend. It was... odd.
So Danny wondered about that, but didn't stop what he was doing. He couldn't stop, not when Kevin seemed so... achingly ready. He could only hope for the best as he pulled down Kevin's pants. To do that, Kevin had to lift his butt up off the bed, so at least... well, so far so good. All the lights were green.
Kevin's penis was making a tent out of his boxers, so it wasn't hard to find the fly in them and get it out. He gripped it firmly, Kevin grunted, and Danny prepared to scoot up a little to position himself better when the first words were spoken:
"Danny... Danny, wait a sec.,,"
A tinge of despair ran through Danny's mind. Was it going to end before it began?
Kevin reached down and picked up the trousers that Danny had set aside on the bed. He fished out his billfold. He pulled out a condom.
Danny sighed, his hand still gripping Kevin's shaft. Well, at least Kev wasn't changing his mind, he'd only wanted to get a condom. So that was a relief. He didn't really want Kevin to put it on, but was afraid to say anything about it – it had been so ingrained into them. Safe sex, safe sex, safe sex. Did Kevin have a reason to wear it? Was Kevin afraid for Danny, or of Danny... neither seemed plausible, but neither question would go away. This was awkward. It was ruining the moment. He removed his hand as Kevin began rolling it down – turning the beautiful penis into a plastic-covered neon-bright purple test-tube. Isolating himself from Danny. Fuck...
Once it was on, Kevin leaned back against the headboard and pillows again, and just said, "Okay."
Danny slid his lips over the rubber, closing his eyes. It tasted like watermelon. Fucking watermelon... God-damn it... This wasn't what Danny had wanted – if it had been, he might as well have sucked-off a banana, or a cucumber, or a... Watermelon. Gawd. Well, he'd carry on anyway. Kevin would want him too. He was already making little whining noises and moaning. Danny would do it, just for Kevin's sake. To satisfy Kevin's need, even if meant that his own would be...
No, by god, he would not! He hadn't gone this far to suck on a piece of god-damned rubber with Kevin inside. Fuck that! He pulled his mouth off and began rolling the condom right back up.
"What..." he said gruffly, in no mood to hear about "safe sex" yet again.
"Are... are you sure?"
Without looking up at him, he said, "Kev... this-" he pulled what remained of the rubber off Kevin's cock with a snap, "isn't what I want from you, okay? This is what I want..." He put Kevin back into his mouth.
Holy cow, Danny, Kevin thought, feeling someone actually making contact with him there for the first time, 'feels the same as nothing at all' my ass... Holy GOD! Those were the last words he would think, for awhile.
It only took a few minutes, if that. Kevin bucked at first, and then squirmed for a long time, until Danny felt his body relax, little by little, and then finally the legs that were squeezing his ribs so tightly released and sunk back down on the bed. Kevin's breath was still spasming, though, so Danny kept going, until finally the other boy started to go limp in his mouth. He laid down flat on his belly between Kevin's legs, resting his head on the rising and falling stomach, while Kevin absentmindedly stroked Danny's hair. Danny closed his eyes, and let himself be saturated to the core by the feeling of closeness, of sharing. It washed over him, and through him.
They had each needed different things, but had received what they'd needed by the same act. They both would have been surprised to learn that, though.
Kevin was still dazed, his leg-muscles still trembling. The feeling was not unpleasant. He could feel his whole body at once, as if he'd reached some sort of metaphysical sensory plateau. He felt Danny's breath on his abdomen, the weight of his head there, the warmth of the boy's chest between his legs. That had to have been the best blow-job ever! Was it the lack of a condom? Was it the stress of the preceding week? Was Danny just an excellent dick-sucker? Whatever the case, man, that had been something, all right. Holy fucking hell.
And Danny had taken the rubber off! None of the girls he'd had blow-jobs from had ever done that. That meant... Danny must have swallowed. Wow. He must really, really love dick... Cool. That was kind of sweet, in fact, that he'd get into it that much.
He opened his eyes and looked down at the tangle of Danny's long brown hair at his stomach. He pulled some of that hair out of the way so he could see the boy's face. Danny nuzzled against his skin a little in response to the attention. He looked so serene. Danny looked like Kevin felt. Kevin stared in wonder at that, until something occurred to him -
Yes, Kevin felt released, but that hadn't done much for Danny. He would be expecting Kevin to return the favor now. Expecting him to suck his dick! Shit... shit, shit, shit-shit-shit-SHIT!
Danny felt Kevin's muscles tense, heard his heart-beat quicken. Here it comes, he thought. He wasn't ready for the peaceful intimacy to end – he'd never be ready for this to end – but he knew it would have to. It didn't really matter, yet, why; whether it was that Kevin had just realized that'd he'd had gay sex, or whether he was anxious to give Danny head – unlikely as that might be, or nervous about giving Danny head, or trying to figure out how to get out of giving Danny head... Whatever, it was going to kill the joy. It always did. It had with Peter, and now it would with Kevin.
He held on just a bit longer, trying to absorb as much of the moment as he could before it ended. He held on until Kevin finally said, "Uh..."
Danny tried the one thing at his disposal at that moment – knowing it wouldn't work. "Kevin... you don't have to do anything to me. It's okay."
Kevin dismissed what Danny had said out-of-hand – it wasn't possible. Sex is not a one-way thing. If someone makes you come, you make them come. It's a rule. That's how it works. Kevin was going to have to do to Danny what Danny had done to him. And without a rubber, too. Oh god... The very thought disgusted him.
Kevin really did think that Danny had a nice-looking penis. But that didn't mean he wanted it in his mouth! No joking around now. God... How was he going to get out of it without being a complete and total asshole? WAS there even a way? He didn't think so. Shit.
"Danny... I... uh..." as usual for Kevin, he spoke before he knew what he was going to say, "I gotta go." He winced, preparing for the well-deserved onslaught of outrage.
"Yeah, okay Kev. I know you got stuff to do" Danny said, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, "I'll see ya after school. All right?"
"Yeah. Right." Kevin was astounded – he didn't sound mad or... or ANYTHING! But he didn't have time to think about it. He had to get the hell out of there – before Danny came to his senses. "Uhm... Look, I'm sorry about-"
"It's okay. I'm... I'm gonna... get ready for bed, I guess. Practice tomorrow, y'know."
Putting his clothes back on just as fast as he could in order to escape the situation – the situation in which Kevin was the Asshole Bastard yet again, and hating himself for it – Kevin only grunted and made a string of excuses about the world of shit he was going to get from his father.
He talked about it until he was out the door. It was better than talking about... the other thing.
Around 1 am that morning, Kevin sat in his car alone, parked at the edge of the Albertson's lot, just for lack of a better place to be. He hated his father. He hadn't been so much "kicked out of the house" as simply told that he was unwelcome there. And always would be. Why? For having sex with another boy? He hadn't even told his father about that. For failing school? He wasn't going to fail school. No, the Big Deal for his Dad had been him quitting football. In the year when it looked like the team might go to the Regionals. That was all. Fucking idiot. Yeah, ten years down the road, even less – even ONE, for that matter – who the fuck was going to care that St. Augustine's football team had made it to the Regionals. Or even if it were Nationals. Seriously – who the fuck was going to care?
Oh yeah. The recruiters. Well, fuck man... Yeah, go on to college football, where they really take it seriously. Wouldn't that be great. And the Pros? Where what was supposed to be a game was actually Big Business? Suddenly that life didn't seem so noble, after all.
He tried to concentrate on that in an effort to keep his mind off Danny. It wasn't working, though, and images of him kept playing in his mind, especially how Danny's face had looked snuggling against his belly. After having just sucked his dick. Bare.
And he thought about how he'd run out on him afterward. Because he didn't want to return the favor. Well, maybe "favor" wasn't the right word. What then? Courtesy? Service? A little voice in the back of his brain seemed to be making fun of him. Kevin ignored it. He had bigger problems than little voices. Like that he couldn't imagine ever facing Danny again, now that'd he'd shown his true colors. He knew he'd have to, though, because -
Because... Well, because he still needed tutoring. Yeah.
Why is it always ME that needs HIM all the time? (Don't be stupid) Why can't he ever... why can't I be... why can't it just be FAIR!? (Fair? What do you mean?) Dammit, Danny, why do you even LIKE me? Is it really just because you're gay and I happen to be a guy? (You can't possibly be THAT stupid, Kevin...) Because you like dick so much? (YOUR dick, you thick bastard, not just "dick")
Kevin sat a little straighter in his Mustang's bucket seat. Huh?
(He doesn't just like "dick". He likes YOU. And you HAVE a dick.)
Things began to click. Nevermind that Kevin didn't know why Danny liked him – he obviously did. Liked him enough to give him head. Well, Danny was gay, after all, so nothing weird about that... but, to take the rubber off like that? To say, "this is what I want from you" before putting his mouth over Kevin's bare penis? To swallow his cum? (To make a part of you a part of himself, maybe?). Kevin's eyes grew wide.
To spend almost all of his free time tutoring MY sorry ass?
To be so overjoyed because I passed a test?
To track me down and bust into my uncle's office thinking I'd been kidnapped?
To CARE so much about whether or not I graduate?
Kevin was finally figuring it out. He pounded his hands against the steering-wheel with each unspoken syllable -
HE FUCKING - LOVES! - ME...
The voice wasn't done yet, though.
I... I fucking love him... too.
God help me... I do. I do! I FUCKING LOVE HIM!
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