Knots, Book 2
by Elias Scott
Matt and I had a lot of fun this morning. We were both too tired to even talk last night when we finally got to bed. It's not every day a guy tells his parents he's gay and lied about being raped.
I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. Something's been bothering me. Matt complains when I wake him, but after a little encouragement and some sweet talk, if that's what you'd call it, I got him a little horny and I answered the call from all his sexy body parts. He was too tired to reciprocate after I gave him a good fucking. It was hot.
We lay in bed for a time as our breathing slowed. He wanted to go back to sleep, but I wanted to talk. You know sex is a great distraction, but whatever was bothering me, was still there as we lay next to each other in a loud silence.
He groaned. "What do you want now? I'm tired. You fucked me tired."
He rolled so his back was to me. I snuggled up behind him and whispered in his ear. "I need to talk about last night."
He groaned. "Can't it wait till morning? You know the one where the sun is shining."
And then it just came out from nowhere. "The sun isn't shining in my life."
He turned toward me. "What do you call what just happened? It sure brought some sun into my life."
I wanted to kiss him, but held back. "Is the sun still there or has it set already? It has in my life."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"The sun always shines when I'm fucking. During sex my life seems perfect and painless, but after my climax, life doesn't seem so perfect or painless. I feel the life drain out of me." I started to cry in a quiet whimper.
Matt wiped my tears. "Andy, I love you. I hate seeing you hurting."
I wanted to joke and say, "You can't say you love me right after sex. That's our agreement." But I didn't. Instead I said, "I love you too and I can tell you why. It's because I know I can count on you. I love our sex, but I'd love you without the sex. How 'bout you?"
He paused. "What's happening to you? You've changed. You've gotten so serious. You've always been the Andy that makes jokes while we're getting ready to fuck, the guy who hears all parts of my body calling to him."
I went silent and then whispered. "You didn't answer my question. Would you still love me without the sex?"
Matt pushed me away. "What a fucking stupid question. Of course I would. I wasn't ready for sex the day you found out about Dillon. The sex was for you, not me."
"But how 'bout now?"
There was a long pause. "Um. Now? It's all mixed up. I'm not sure I could live without the sex. Well, I could live, but it's part of who we are now. We can't go back. We'll never lose what we have no matter what happens. The knots will always be there."
There went the knots again. "You know, Matt. I don't think some knots can ever be untied. The memories will always there. I was lying awake for a time before I woke you up. I pictured a long rope with hundreds of knots. It was like my life. What happens if we live to be 85 or so? People live that long now, you know. How many knots will be in that rope?"
I could barely make out his smile in the dim light. "I've thought about that too. But Andy, some knots are good knots. That's why we have them in the first place. They have a purpose. The only bad knots are the ones we tie because we're not careful. Those are the ones we have to worry about."
Strong feelings of love welled up inside me as he said this. "You know, Matt. I don't think I could ever stop loving you. And it's okay to say I love you now. It's been awhile since we had sex."
He kissed me. "You're right. I love you too." He paused. "I've been struggling over the unconditional love I promised you. I've decided I can love you unconditionally. That's what I want from my parents. I expect it. You expect the same from your parents. You should be able to expect the same from your best friend, sex or no sex."
"Does that mean I can fuck Thomas and Randy?"
He was silent for a few seconds. I wanted to scream to break the silence. "Are you going to answer?"
He shook his head and looked at the ground. "That's not my decision. It's yours. I will love you no matter what. But don't forget, they'll be your knots not mine."
"You could tie them with me."
He groaned, rolled over, and said, "Shut up and go to sleep."
Andy and I kind of resolved the unconditional love thing. We even talked about knots. I had the same picture in my mind a while back about a long rope with knots in it. When I first thought of the idea of knots, I only thought of bad knots, but while we were talking I realized that knots were designed for a purpose. You tie one thing to another. You tie things down so they won't fly around. You tie two pieces of rope together. There's even a knot for tying two different size ropes together. In a way, it was like the knot that bound Andy and me together or any two people in love or just friends. It ties families together. Right then the knots we'd tied seemed like good knots. They had a purpose.
But as I write this, I picture a mess of rope lying at my feet all tangled up in one ugly huge knot. Knots with a purpose are beautiful. So in a way, the image of a long rope with many knots isn't so ugly. It's the huge messy ones that serve no purpose that hurt us. They're the ones we need to watch out for.
We woke up to a bright sun-filled morning. Andy was sleeping on his back with what looked like a small smile on his face. His right arm rested above his head. I paused to look at him as I pulled the sheet down and glanced at his slim muscular body. He was beautiful. His chest and stomach rose and fell in a rhythm as his cock lay to one side where it would remain asleep even as Andy awakened. It was like a separate entity. I knew that if I began to lick it and suck on it, it too would come to life, and it would change everything that would happen that morning. But right then, Andy's whole body was at peace. The knots in his life were gone. It was like he took them all and threw them in a box. I found myself thinking how nice it would be if we could take the bad knots in our lives and throw them in a fire. Unfortunately, it's not possible. But one thing you have to say about those damn messy ugly knots is that they are strong. And it's too bad.
Andy began to stir, and as he did, I pictured the rope of knots wrapping around his beautiful frame.
He turned and smiled at me before glancing down as his uncovered body. "So you've been fucking me with your eyes, huh?"
"Yep. Loved every minute of it."
"So are you just going to lie there? Get to work. You owe me one."
I grinned as I bent over and took his sleeping cock into my mouth. It began to rise as it awakened from its slumber. We had loving passionate sex that morning.
We'd just finished when his mother knocked on the door. "Rise and shine you two. Breakfast is ready." She jiggled on the door. "Why's the door locked?"
Andy was quick. "We didn't want you walking in while we were having sex."
That gave me time to throw my shorts on and unlock the door. She was used to seeing me in just my shorts. She came in and saw the sleeping bag half-opened on the air mattress and at Andy with the sheets pulled up to his neck. She smiled. "Andy, you just love to scare your poor mother. Now get up and come to breakfast."
Matt and I had what I'd call beautiful sex that Saturday morning. He was gentle and loving as he took my cock into his mouth and brought it to life. He sucked and licked my cock and my nipples. He deep tongued me and then rimmed my asshole which was screaming for his tongue. I don't think he heard it though. Then he fucked me slow and easy until we both came. I'm not sure what had been going through his mind because when I awakened he had uncovered me and was just staring at me. The look on his face made me feel like I was somebody, really somebody.
Then we were shaken from that peace when my mom knocked on the door and yelled, "Rise and shine. Breakfast is ready." I don't know why, but I hate it when she says that. She wanted to know why the door was locked and I told her Matt and I were having sex. I think that scared the shit out of her. As usual, Matt had the air mattress and sleeping bag on the floor next to my bed so when he unlocked the door, everything seemed normal. But it's always possible she could smell the sex even with the windows open. If she did, she didn't say anything.
After two bouts of sex with Matt, I wasn't sure I was ready to go out on a date with Emily. But we were set to go to the afternoon matinee. We went out and did a couple lawn jobs and came back in the afternoon all sweaty. My mom was working in the backyard and my dad was out playing golf, so Matt and I showered together. We only grabbed each other's ass cheeks a few times and did a little kissing. We figured my mom would never catch us if we were in and out in a flash.
My father came home from golf and heard us joking around in the shower. "What's going on in there?"
I gave my pat answer. "We're having sex."
"I know you're gay, Andy, but I hope you're not trying to seduce Matt."
My voice echoed. "Never. Plus, he'd kick my ass. We just figured it would be quicker and easier. Guys shower together all the time at school."
"Well, get out of our shower so I can use it. "
We rinsed off and stepped out with deflated cocks. My dad took a quick glance, and you could tell by the look on his face that he was happy to see them limp.
He stepped out of the bathroom while we dried off and put clean shorts on.
"It's about time," he said as we headed back to my room.
"Think nothing of it," I replied.
It had been awhile since I'd been on a date with Gina. It felt like old times, the four of us going some place together. A new confidence possessed me. I suppose having sex can do that to you. But Andy was a guy and Gina a girl. Why would I feel more confident, I wondered? I put my arm around her in the show, kissed her, and whispered in her ear so my breath would tease her. She responded with her tongue when we kissed and we made out for a time. Despite everything I'd done with Andy, I kind of liked being with Gina. The kissing was different. It didn't give me a hardon, but I liked it. You could say I cared for her. I wasn't in love with her, but cared for her and enjoyed her company. I suppose a lot of gay guys love the company of girls because they don't feel obligated. The girls don't expect anything from them. That's at least the way I saw it. But I wasn't sure I was totally committed to a gay lifestyle. Hell, Andy and I were only fifteen. Neither of us were ready for a committed relationship. As much as I loved him, I didn't see us getting married when we turned eighteen. There were too many things I wanted to do with my life before I made that kind of commitment. And maybe I'd someday decide I wanted to make a commitment to a girl. Andy and I had never really talked about it.
But even as these thoughts were going through my mind, my cock started to get hard just thinking about the hot sex Andy and I were having, the sex I never wanted to end. But at the same time, I had enough confidence to have done more with Gina, but it didn't seem right. She wasn't ready, and while I was, I couldn't do it or wouldn't do it. I'm not sure which. I decided then that I wanted to go out with her again. I'm not sure about what Andy would think. But hell, if he can be thinking about fooling around with Thomas and Randy, why can't I be thinking about dating Gina? Then suddenly, it was like a cold wind blew through my head as I began to ask myself, Why can't you have it all?. You could take out different girls, have sex with them, have sex with Andy, and even have sex with Thomas and Randy. What's to stop you? I suppose the only thing to stop me was me.
It was then I realized how much I'd changed. The old careful conservative Matt was becoming the careless crazy one who was beginning to think and act more like Andy. Right then, all I could see was a huge ugly knot laying at my feet, and I wasn't sure I cared.
I hate to admit it, but we had a great time on our dates. I did a little smooching with Emily, but nothing more. I knew better. We went out for a bite to eat after the show. I couldn't help talking about the paper towels that fell from Matt's armpits the night we went to our first dance. Everyone got a good laugh out of that. Matt talked about my huge belt buckle and hinted at what that meant. Emily gave my chest a good rub and kissed me.
Emily joked about me practicing my kissing in the mirror. "It must have worked because you're a damn good kisser. But maybe it's just because you've had a lot of practice with the real thing."
I glanced over at Matt, who ignored me by staring at Emily. He glanced at Gina. "He sure did. Just think of all those broken hearts he left behind."
My mouth moved before I thought. "How 'bout letting me kiss you Matt so you can decide."
"Yuck," he said.
The girls laughed then Emily asked. "Why don't you try it?"
Gina gave the same reply as Matt. "Yuck, not a good idea."
I moved in closer to Matt. "I'm willing to try it if Matt is."
He moved away. "Stay away from me, pervert."
Like I was saying, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. "It doesn't make any difference anyway because Matt and I have been having sex all week."
Gina and Emily glanced at each other and then us.
Gina asked, "So what was it like, Matt?"
Matt muttered, "Ignore him. You know how he is. He loves talking about this stuff. He's the one that's gay. Not me."
I nudged him. "As Shakespeare would say, 'Methinks thou doth protest too much.'"
Matt rose. "Gina, let's go and leave these two here to quote Shakespeare."
She got up, grabbed his hand, and squeezed it. He gave her a passionate kiss and then flipped me off behind his back.
For a second, I thought I'd lost him.
Gina and Emily
"Those guys seem different. Don't you think?" Emily asked.
Gina grinned. "Matt did. He seemed more confident for some reason. We had a nice talk as we walked in the park. He's an awesome kisser."
"Yeah, like I said, different," Emily teased.
"I like it. I ignore all that stuff Andy says about Matt. We know Andy's gay. He's just trying to embarrass Matt. You know how he is."
Emily sighed. "Yeah. It's too bad Andy's gay because I really like him."
Gina nudged Emily. "Well, you know. He swings both ways. Or at least he did."
Emily groaned. "I don't think so. Dillon Burke took him to the dark side and he's never coming back. He's past the point of no return."
"You're probably right. But I have to catch Matt before he does. Dillon already tried and I'm never sure about Andy. You know how he's always looked at Matt over the years. I think he's in love with him."
Emily scratched her bare shoulder. "I think so too. Remember, we talked about that a while back?"
"I've got to tell you Em, I think I might be a little in love with Matt. He's nice. He treats me nice. His kisses are awesome and he's the JV quarterback. What more could you ask for?"
Emily gave a loud exhale. "Maybe so, but on Monday all hell's going to break loose when they return to school. And what about Thomas and Randy? They said they were going to all stick together. Alan and Ernie said they came by Andy's the other day and Thomas, Randy, Andy, and Matt were there with their shirts off. He said they were all sweaty."
Gina countered. "They probably just came in from playing basketball or something. What do you think was going on?"
"I don't know. But Dillon Burke had his hands and everything else all over them. For all we know, they played with each others' basketballs."
Gina laughed. "Nice way to put it."
Emily went on. "We know Andy, Thomas, and Randy carried on with Dillon for a long time. So who knows?"
Gina cringed. "I don't want to think about it. I know guys experiment. Hopefully Matt hasn't. But there's nothing we can do anyway. Matt asked me out again for this coming Saturday. That has to mean something."
"For your sake, I hope so."
Matt got back to my house after his walk in the park with Gina and told me he was going back home instead of staying the night. That hurt. I don't think it had anything to do with Gina, but he had a confused look on his face. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to my room, locked the door, kissed him, and pulled his polo shirt over his head. He looked me in the eye and shook his head. I kissed his nipples as I grabbed hold of his crotch.
"Stop it, Andy. I've got to go."
"Just a quickie, Matt, before you go."
I quickly slid his shorts and boxer briefs down so I could get my mouth on his cock before he turned and walked away. He started to get hard.
"Stop, Andy. I don't want to do this."
I sucked until he was fully hard. Then licked my way up his stomach and chest to his mouth where I deep tongued him. He turned away for a second before grabbing the back of my head and pulling my lips and tongue into his. He stepped out of his pants, pulled off my shirt, and rubbed his hands all over my chest as he tongued me. I dropped my pants and he went down on my cock.
He looked up at me with my cock in his mouth. He pulled off for a second. "We shouldn't be doing this."
That pissed me off. "What the fuck's gotten into you? Did that little bit of hand holding and exchanging spit with Gina make you decide that what we're doing is wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Good, neither do I. Let's just fuck."
We ripped off the rest of our clothes, laid on the bed, sucked each other in a 69, and then flip fucked. We lay there sweaty and exhausted for fifteen minutes or so until our passion subsided.
"Fuck, Andy. I don't ever want this to stop. But I gotta to go."
He rolled up and sat naked on the edge of my bed. I stood behind him and massaged his shoulders as I kissed his beautiful tanned skin. I never wanted to let him go. "You sound like you're as fucked up as me. What is it you want?"
"Hell if I know, Andy. We're only fifteen. We're not even upper classmen yet. Do you really want to have a serious committed relationship with me for the next three years and then get married or something? I don't want that. Do you? Maybe some day, but not now."
He leaned back into me and looked up into my face. "I love you Andy, but I think we need to stop. I can't go on like this."
I got scared. But as he talked, I knew that while I loved Matt, I didn't see us being together like boyfriends for the next three years. We were only fifteen and still had a lot of living to do. And of course, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking of Thomas and Randy. "What are you saying?" I asked.
"Hell if I know, Andy. I love what we have. But it doesn't seem right. I don't mean bad or evil or sinful or anything like that. It has nothing to do with gay sex. Hell, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't be all fucked up."
I moved off the bed and knelt naked in front of him. "Can't we at least be best friends with benefits?"
He smiled. "You always have an angle don't you?"
"That's me. Andy Gibson, the dealmaker, the guy that makes straight lines into angles."
Matt grabbed my arms, pulled me up, and kissed me. "I suppose we could be friends with benefits. But I'm not sure we should have another week like this one."
I gave him a sad look and acted like I was wiping tears from my eyes. "Can't we at least do it during school vacations?"
He smiled again. "Let's take it one day and one vacation at a time, alright?"
I moved down and kissed the tip of his cock. "I'd like a little of this again right now."
"Sorry, Andy. Like I said, I gotta go."
He put his clothes on, kissed me, hugged me, and said, "See you at school Monday." Then he walked out and left me in the quiet loneliness of my room.
Chapter Quote 1: Don't laugh at youth for (their quirks); (they're) only trying on one face after another to find a face of (their) own. ~Logan Pearsall Smith, "Age and Death," Afterthoughts, 1931
Chapter Quote 2: Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years. ~Author Unknown
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. If the email address pastes with %40 in the middle, replace that with an @ sign.]