Oh Radio, Tell Me Everything You Know
After the third weird look, I was seriously regretting sitting right next to Owen.
Maybe it would have been better if we were sitting at one of the small tables or if Cheryl didn't decide to make this the one freaking day she didn't run from her sixth period to lunch and was across from us, but right now it was just me and Owen, sitting at a table that can easily seat four on each side, RIGHT next to each other. Normally, closeness to Owen is a good thing. Right now, it kinda looks a bit......suspect. Two boys sitting next to each other when they don't have to, really close, sharing smiles, with one of the boys being me?
I can definitely see how that might look a bit gay.
I would have felt bad for worrying about it if I was worried about me, but I wasn't. I was scared for Owen. He didn't seem to care, he kept smiling and talking softly to me and I was starting to suspect he kept moving his chair closer to me when I wasn't looking because I was moving MY chair away from him when HE wasn't looking and we never got any further apart. God! Does he not know that just being SEEN with me is gonna start rumors about him? Being this close is like pulling me up on the table and making out with me in front of everyone. And great, now my lips are tingling and I'm remembering how amazing Owen's lips feel and has it really been two days since we kissed? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.....
Oh god. Where the hell was Cheryl?
I looked over towards the door for the fiftieth time in the last few seconds. Nope. Still not here. I was about to look away when someone else walked in and caught my eye. Kevin. Holy crap, I completely forgot about him. I stared for a second, feeling really squirmy and awkward about a guy who looked so -I dunno, sad? Heartbroken? Depressed?- not ok when he found out I had a boyfriend suddenly being, like, twenty feet away from me and my boyfriend. And then, because apparently the universe likes to try and do everything it can to give me a heart attack, I realized that if Kevin sees me and Owen together he'll KNOW that he's my boyfriend RIGHT as he looks over and sees us.
He froze in place and just looked at me. I held back a wince and wished I could pretend I didn't see him. Even though he wasn't exactly right next to me I could actually SEE when his eyes shifted just a bit and I knew he was looking at Owen. Crap. Crap. Crap. NOW I knew why I felt so paranoid about him liking me. If he's the kind of guy that would want revenge for getting rejected, all he needed to do was make one little comment where people could overhear and Owen's life in school would be over. And it would be all my fault.
My throat tightened up. Kevin's eyes shifted back to mine. My heart started beating it's way out of my chest. Kevin's eyes widened slightly in crystal clear understanding. Oh god. This is it. He-
He walked away.
He turned, slumped just a bit, and walked away. I followed him with my eyes, watching to see if he said anything to anyone, although I dunno why. If he was gonna do something what the hell could I do to stop it? But he just walked over to where Brandon and Drew were sitting and sat down. I held my breath, waiting for him to quickly whisper something before three heads turned to look at us. It never happened. He said something, Brandon said something back, then another one of their friends sat down and started talking while Kevin started unpacking his lunch bag. I let out a relieved breath. Ok. So he's not a vindictive dick. Awesome. I turned back to Owen.
Who was looking right at Kevin.
"Who was that?" he asked, his eyes shifting back towards me. He asked it casually. But real casual, not like the forced casual people get when they're setting you up to yell at you for something. Which I kinda, maybe expected. I mean, his boyfriend following some guy across the room with his eyes? Yeah, I could expect some jealousy. Or maybe some- oh, it's my turn to talk, isn't it?
"Kevin." I answered. "Um, he's the guy who helped get me out of the, locker." My face got a little warm. God I hated talking about that stupid locker.
Owen frowned and glanced back at Kevin for a second. "The one who regretted it because it was you?" he said with an edge to his voice.
"Um, yeah." Owen's frown deepened and, oh, he's getting mad. For me. My chest got tight in the good way this time. And then visions of Owen maybe getting mad enough to say something to Kevin and outing himself or getting Kevin pissed enough to do it flashed through my head. "But we made up! I mean, he apologized. Today. He said he was sorry and he didn't regret helping me he was just surprised because the locker was so small and he actually likes me so he's not like a dick or anything. Even though I kinda said he was. But I was wrong." I bit my lip and nodded. There. Crisis averted!
"He LIKES you?" Owen asked. "Like, how?"
I blinked. "Um, I dunno. He asked me out so-"
"He asked you OUT?" Owen's mouth dropped open and a second later he glared so hard at Kevin's back I was shocked he didn't explode.
Ok. Crisis not averted. Crisis is laughing and dancing at how not averted it is. Crisis is very strong.
My heart sank. Oh god, does he think..... "I didn't say yes!" I winced at how maybe loud that was.
Owen looked back at me. The glare was gone. He looked surprised for a second, then gave me one of those warm, heart stopping smiles. "I know." he said softly. "I didn't think you did." he gave another quick look towards Kevin's table. "I'm not mad at you. I just....." he let out an annoyed breath. "It's me. I hate the idea of anyone else coming onto you." he smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "I guess I kinda just want you all to myself, you know?"
I grinned. God, I love when he says things like that. "I know." I said happily. Then I remembered what I was worried about and decided this was a good time to tell Owen to be careful. "But, um, maybe could you not say anything to him? Kevin I mean. I just don't want-"
A plastic lunch tray dropped onto the table with a loud, plasticy 'SMACK' and I jumped in my seat and yelped.
"God!" Cheryl growled and threw herself into the seat across from me. "Why do I always forget to bring my lunch on Brick Pizza Day?" she picked up the disturbingly solid square of pizza from the tray with two fingers, then dropped it with a disgusted lip curl. "Ugh."
I blushed, both for the yelp and the less than classy first impression Cheryl made. I took a quick glance at Owen but all his attention was focused on Cheryl. Oh well, I'll apologize for her later.
"So," she gave her pizza an annoyed poke and turned a piercing gaze on Owen. He looked a bit nervous, and I had to clasp my hands together to keep from hugging him or touching him in some obviously gay way. Something that WOULDN'T be suspicious though is glaring at Cheryl. Which I did. She ignored me. "Do you like school pizza?"
That....wasn't what I thought the first thing out of her mouth would be. Apparently Owen didn't expect it either because he just blinked at her a few times before looking over at me and cocking an eyebrow. I shrugged. "Um, not really." he said a second later.
"Good." she nodded, then grinned. "I like you."
Owen blinked again. "Oh. Cool." He gave me another look and I shrugged again. I expected either warnings not to break my heart followed by threats or horrible teasing. Not....pizza.
Cheryl just kept grinning then turned her attention back to her lunch tray. "I'm gonna be throwing up all night, I know it." she sighed and took a bite of her pizza. "Oh god." she said with her mouthful. It's as disgusting as it sounds, trust me. "This is horrible." she took another bite.
We watched her eat for a few moments and then I started to get paranoid. "Is that it?" I blurted out.
She shot me an innocent look. "What do you mean?"
I glared. "Don't even, with the 'what, me?' look. You know what I mean. You're not gonna threaten Owen or tell him how freaked out and girly I was about him or make fun of us because you think we're having sex or-" I choked. Oh god. Did I.....did I really just say that?
An amused smirk slowly formed on Cheryl's lips. Oh crap. I did. I blushed horribly. "Well," she said slowly. "I guess I don't even need to now, huh?"
I covered my face with my hands. "Oh god." I moaned. "I think I'll just die now."
I felt something press against my thigh. For a second I thought it was Owens leg but then it squeezed me and I had just enough time to think "his leg has fingers! Ew!" before I mentally slapped myself and realized it was his hand. Even though looking at him was one of the last things I wanted to do right then (right in front of eating school pizza because Cheryl's right, that stuff is completely gross) I couldn't help it. My body just reacts to Owen's comfort. I can't not look at him.
He had a delighted grin on his face. "You got all girly about me?"
He totally ignored the sex thing. Which was what I was really embarrassed about so I was so relieved that he didn't bring it up -which I shouldn't have been surprised about because Owen's the master at not embarrassing me on purpose, remember- that I didn't get all awkward about answering. "Well, yeah." I said. I smiled slightly. "Kinda."
Owen giggled -freaking GIGGLED, I think my heart skipped three beats- and gave my thigh a squeeze. "That's too cute."
I blushed again and ducked my head, but I knew enough of my face was still visible behind the sudden hair curtain that he could see my shy, happy smile.
And he wasn't the only one. "Ok, now THIS I gotta comment on." Cheryl said. I didn't even have to look at her to picture the smirk. "Did you actually just NOT flip out at someone calling you cute?" I opened my mouth to answer but she turned towards Owen and continued. "Do you have any idea how long I've been telling him how adorable he is? Like a little puppy. And it's always 'no I'm not!' or 'shut up, Cheryl' and sometimes he even throws things at me. He definitely never looked all happy and bashful about it."
I groaned. "Cheryl," I begged. "Please stop."
"I don't think he's a puppy." Owen said. He squeezed my leg again. "I think he's a really sexy and adorable boy." He gave me a warm smile and I think my insides just melted. I couldn't hold back the smile even if I wanted to. Which I kinda did actually. Want to I mean. I just KNEW Cheryl was gonna make fun of me for getting all sappy.
But apparently what I know is jack all because Cheryl just nodded, sorta smugly actually. "And THAT'S why I didn't threaten him." she said to me. "It's ridiculously obvious how much you guys 'like'-" she gave me a sharp look as she said it which I took to mean 'like my ass, you better tell him you love him soon you idiot', or something like that. "-each other. Even if Andy didn't talk about how great you are all the time I could tell."
Owen grinned at that but I was horrified. "R-really?" I squeaked. Oh god I really am gonna out us and get Owen beat up and shoved into lockers and-
"Don't freak out, Andy." Cheryl cut me off again, but this time her voice was softer, calming. Well, in the sense that the tone was calming because it sure as hell didn't calm me down. "I can only tell because I know you. You aren't broadcasting gayness to the whole room." she gave me a small smile then turned her attention to Owen. "He seems to think everyone does nothing but watch him and wait for him to do something gay so they can beat him up. Maybe you could, I dunno, kiss that out of him or something." Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. Paranoid AND embarrassed. Thanks Cheryl. She frowned slightly. "But don't go after Andy's virtue. You just got together you shouldn't be jumping into bed-"
"Oh god! Cheryl! Shut up! Shut up now!" I pleaded. I was pretty sure my whole face was stop sign red and even Owen had that adorable two-spots-on-his-cheek blush thing going on as he squirmed uncomfortably. "Please. I'm not gonna have se-" I swallowed. "God I can't even say it! How do you think I'm gonna do it?"
She looked at me thoughtfully. Please, please, please just believe me and drop it. "Ok." she said finally. "I guess you're right. I just worry, you know?" Then she frowned again. "But when you DO do it be careful with him ok?" she said to Owen. "He-"
"Cheryl!" I screamed. It got me some looks from surrounding tables. "This is not you shutting up!"
"Ok, ok." she held up her hands in surrender and shot me an apologetic look. God! Why is it she only ever sees the line AFTER she crosses it by a mile?
After that it took a few awkward minutes for any conversation to get started. Cheryl apparently didn't wanna say anything to upset me and Owen looked more embarrassed and uncomfortable than I'd ever seen him. I hated it. I don't even need to get into how I was feeling because if you've been paying attention at ALL you can probably guess. But, after a few minutes of weirdness, Cheryl hurt her tooth on the overcooked brick pizza and started cursing up a storm and by the time she was done insulting the pizza AND a pretty good portion of it's nonexistent pizza family tree we were both laughing and the mood was broken.
Sex, or anything that could even be sorta related to sex, wasn't brought up again, thank freaking god. I was so grateful that I didn't even care that the conversation was mostly focused around me. Well, me and Owen I guess. Owen.....surprised me. After the awkwardness was gone he seemed really eager and happy talking to Cheryl about us. Nothing too personal -not that we'd done anything all that 'personal' I guess- but he told her the story of how he liked me in school, then on the phone and then found out the two boys he liked were the same person. I'd already told it to her before, but it was when I was freaking out about going on our date and I realized I left a lot of it out. Actually, looking back, I'm pretty sure I wasn't making a whole lot of sense about anything that night.
She asked questions, he answered. I even joined in later on. It was nice. Even nicer than last period in some ways because this was CHERYL and OWEN, two of the most important people in my life, getting along like they'd known each other for....well, not forever, but definitely way longer than twenty minutes. And Owen seemed so comfortable talking about us. It surprised me.
I got to ask him about it when Cheryl went to buy another drink to wash down the "rock of pizza" that she said she could still feel fighting it's way down her throat. "I'm sorry about her." I said. "Um, about the.....you know. She's...." I sighed. "I'd love to say she's not usually like that but I don't wanna lie to you."
Owen laughed. "It's ok. She's..." We shared a look of total understanding. "Yeah, but I like her. I'm glad you have a friend like that."
I blushed and smiled. "Yeah. I'm kinda surprised how good you got along with her." I paused. "Not that I thought you'd hate her! Or that you should or anything! I just...." I sighed. "I'm being 'cute' again, right?"
"Yep." Owen said with a grin.
I smiled slightly. "But, I mean, I'm surprised you're so ok with talking to her. You know, about....us, and stuff." I blushed a bit as I said "us". God, we haven't even really said out loud what "us" is yet. I mean, I THINK we're boyfriends but, ok, not the time to think about this.
Owen just shrugged. "I never really had anyone to talk to about being-" his voice lowered slightly, almost unconsciously I thought. "-gay. Or liking guys. I wanted to tell my friends how much you mean to me SO many times last period and it sucked that I couldn't. They knew I liked you. Well, not YOU, but they knew I liked someone and that was as close as I ever came and I didn't like pretending I was talking about a girl. So talking about it like it's not a big secret or having to worry about what I'm saying for the first time ever was....awesome." He smiled at me. "Guess I really like talking about you." He shrugged sorta awkwardly but his smile never changed.
My smile got wider. I couldn't help it even though my defenses were kicking back in and screaming that two boys smiling at each other like this is NOT the way to keep sexuality secret. But, come on! You heard what he said! How can I not smile at that? "Thanks." I winced and blushed slightly. Oh god, is that really the best I can do?
"I mean-I do too! Like talking. About you! I mean, not, you know, talking in general even though that's nice sometimes. And....I like that you like liking talking about....." I closed my eyes. "Oh god. Shutting up now. I'm such a loser."
"You're not a loser." Owen gave my thigh a squeeze. Did I say that part out loud? And when did his hand get there? Oh god Andy, who cares, just enjoy it. I opened my eyes and saw Owen giving me a serious look. "You're cute. And adorable. And sexy. And I really wanna kiss you right now."
I moaned.....ok, fine, maybe it was a whimper. "Me too." And, honestly, if I wasn't so worried about what would happen to Owen, I think I would have done it. Everyone already "knows" I'm gay anyway, why shouldn't I get the perks along with the abuse? I bit the inside of my cheek to stop THOSE thoughts before I ended up doing something stupid. Rumors about what might have happened with Jarred and kissing a boy in front of a hundred witnesses are very, very different. I'd probably get lynched. Do people still lynch? God, focus!
"You're not gonna kiss, right?" Came a voice from right FREAKING next to us.
"Shit!" Owen jumped in his seat.
"Gaah!" I yelped and glared at a suddenly not-across-the-room-anymore Cheryl. "You gave me a heart attack!"
"Because," she went on like neither of us had said anything. "Aside from the whole 'being in school thing', I think seeing Andy kissing anyone would be really, really disturbing and I'd kinda like to hold off on that for as long as I can." And with that she walked around us, sat back in her seat, and took a big gulp of her PowerAde. "God! I can still feel it there!" She drank more.
Me and Owen shared a look. I have no idea what kind of look. If there such a thing as a "I can't believe we almost just kissed wow she scared the crap out of me and she's kinda being weird" look then maybe that was it. But more likely it was just us wanting to look at each other.
No more was said about kissing. A lot more was said about the pizza. And there was even a bit of conversation about normal stuff like movies. We ended up talking about John Carter for a bit. Cheryl was shocked that I actually liked a summer movie and I was shocked that Cheryl already saw it twice. Then Cheryl and Owen started talking about movies that I'd never seen and I just sat back and watched them, smiling to myself and being happy that they were getting along so well, until the bell rang.
Cheryl froze mid sentence, then gave a great, heaving sigh. "I don't have my history book, do I?" She looked around like it might suddenly appear but after a few seconds she was still as bookless as before. "Dammit." she got up and started talking hurriedly. "It was cool meeting you, you're good for Andy, blah blah blah I need to go to my locker all the way across the WHOLE school now so bye." And with that she ran off, shoving people out of her way.
We watched her go until she was out the doors. "I like her." Owen grinned.
I grinned back. "I kinda like her too." We started walking towards the doors. "But, I'm glad you do."
We managed to get out without anyone saying anything to me, sort of rare for lunchtime, and we walked together until we had to go down different halls. Or, actually, I walked with him until he had to go down the freshman hall because MY class was at the whole other end of the school, but so what? If I can deal with being late for Kevin I sure as hell can do it for Owen too. We actually passed the locker I broke out of at one point. The top was surprisingly fine but the bottom looked like someone had tried to kick it back into shape and gave up halfway through. I groaned when I saw it, which Owen heard and noticed the locker. He glared at it for a second, which made me feel happy for some reason.
"Well," Owen said reluctantly when we got to the freshman hall. "I should get to class."
I swallowed. "Me too." I didn't want to though. I'd just had the best day I'd ever had at school and it was all because of Owen. Part of me was sure everything would turn to shit again the second he was out of sight but an even bigger part but didn't wanna leave him. Jesus, I didn't have this much of a problem leaving him after our DATE for fucks sake! Maybe kisses make it easier?
Don't. Even. Think about it.
"I'll call you tonight." I said. "Um, the show I mean, I'll call the show. Which you probably already know because I call EVERY night and-" Owen's giggle cut me off. I sighed. "Cute?"
"Cute." he nodded seriously, then smiled. "I'll talk to you tonight." He looked around quickly, then gave my hand a quick squeeze. My heart started to race and I knew I wouldn't be washing that hand for the rest of the day.
I waved as he walked away. Then, in a sudden burst of insight and inspiration, I took out my phone. I don't usually bring it to school -no need to have something more valuable than a schedule for people to destroy- but I took it this morning in case Owen started the picture game up again. I held it up and waited.
Owen got maybe five feet down the hall before he looked back and when he did I snapped his picture. His eyes widened in surprise, then he flashed me a playful little smirk. I grinned wickedly as him and he threateningly reached a hand into one of his pockets, slowly. I laughed and gave him one last quick wave then darted around the corner before he could get his phone out.
I heard a loud laugh and then Owen shouted, "I'll get you next time, Gadget!"
I wondered what the hell he was talking about, then decided it was probably a movie quote I didn't get. There'd been a few of those when him and Cheryl were talking about movies. I shrugged to myself. Oh well. I get what he's saying even if I don't get the reference. I giggled to myself. "You just try." I said under my breath, then started towards my class. While I walked I pulled up the picture on my phone.
My breath caught in my throat. Wow. It was a perfect shot of Owen. His whole body was in the frame, rocker boy clothes and all. His hair looked like it was blowing slightly, probably from walking forward, and he was looking directly at the phone with this look in his eyes like he was trying to drink in the last sight of me or something. It was kinda sad, but it made me love him just a little bit more. I stroked his face softly and smiled.
Then the phone buzzed and I freaked out and almost dropped it.
Shit! What the hell was-oh, a text. It was from Cheryl. How the hell did she know I even had my phone? Oh well, might as well read it.
'hey that lumpy thing in ur pants was ur phone, right?'
I sighed. 'yeah, what?' I typed back. It took an embarrassingly long time. Stupid touchpad.
'good. so radioboy was cool'
I grinned happily. 'gladf you thin so' Yeah I don't know how to backspace on this thing. I don't text a lot, sue me.
'liked hearing about how u 2 met. U know the best part tho?'
'what?' I typed back.
'u wooed him by acting like yourself! ha! told you! >:D'
I narrowed my eyes. Goddamn her. I took the extra time to make sure my reply was typed out perfectly.
'I. Hate. You.'
The phone buzzed again right as I got to class, but I ignored it. Not that I needed to read it. I could practically hear her laughter all the way across the school.
I was panting by the time I got up the stairs and into my room.
Dammit, running up sixteen stairs shouldn't get me this winded! Grrrr! It's all my stupid parents fault. Dinner at 5:45? Really? Ok, yeah, that's sorta normal for us I guess but in a post-Owen world sitting at a table NOT in my room at six is just freaking inexcusable. Speaking of Owen.....
I raced over to my radio, barely even pausing to close the door tightly behind me, and turned it on.
-"quest by Thomas, it's 'Get to the Choppa' by Austrian Death Machine."
I sighed happily. God that VOICE. Suddenly, I didn't care that I apparently had no stamina and was more than a half hour late to Owen's show. Ok, maybe I DID care about the lateness thing. I picked up my phone and dialed the number from memory.
"Hi sexy." Owen's voice was low and seductive and almost purring and for a second I stopped breathing. Then he laughed. "Ok, sorry, that was kinda lame."
I giggled at his self conscious tone. "No. It wasn't lame. It-" I clamped my mouth shut before I could say "almost made me cum", damn Cheryl anyway for bringing up sex! I swallowed. "-um, it wasn't lame." I said, my voice sounding scratchy. I swallowed again. "I'm sorry for being so late! My parents made me eat dinner right before your show." I help my breath, hoping he'd accept the apology- and the subject change.
"It's cool." he said easily. Then paused. "Ok, so maybe I was a bit worried." he admitted sheepishly.
"You were worried?" I asked with a smile.
"Um, yeah." God I could just picture him scratching the back of his head and smiling self consciously. "You usually call right away and I thought maybe something happened and-" he cut himself off with a little exhalation of air. "Sorry. I know I keep coming off all needy and smothering-"
"No!" I yelled. "I...you don't." My heart started beating a little faster. God Andy, just say it. "Um, and......maybe I like it." I blushed, then felt stupid for doing it when he couldn't even see, THEN felt stupid for feeling stupid because I don't WANT him to see. I'm such a mess.
"Like...it?" Owen sounded confused.
"Um, yeah, you really aren't needy or smothering but-" I hesitated. How do I even describe it? Do I even want to? Aren't I supposed to get annoyed at stuff like that? Would he think less of me for liking it? I took a deep breath. As annoying as it is to admit this, Cheryl technically WAS right. I did woo him by being myself. Even if the myself I was and the myself I wanted to be were very different. I decided just to go with it. Owen had never looked down on me before. I had to trust that he wouldn't start now. "I like it when you're protective. And when you get mad for me when you hear about bad stuff that happened to me. And when you get jealous when I'm talking with your friends. And when you look like you wanna kick someone's ass for asking me out. I....I like it. It makes me feel l-" I stopped myself from saying "loved". Over the phone is not how I wanna say it for the first time. "-really good."
Owen was silent for a few seconds and I held my breath. Please don't think less of me. Please don't think I'm weird. Please don't think I'm being a stupid girl about- "Really?" he asked tentatively. "You're not just saying that?"
I took a tiny breath. That didn't sound mad, right? "I'm not." I answered. "I really do."
Owen's small laugh sounded relieved. "I'm....I'm glad. I...I dunno. I just always thought people didn't like that and I know you told me you hate when Cheryl does stuff like that so I tried not to, you know, be like that. I just like you so much and part of me hates that the rest of the world gets to see you when it doesn't appreciate you and whenever I hear about something that happened to you or I remember all the crap I saw and was too shy to do anything about I just wanna shove you behind me and protect you from everything." He took a deep breath. "But I don't wanna drive you away, or annoy you."
My heart felt like it was gonna explode from being so filled with love and I couldn't stop smiling. Not even realizing how right Cheryl was when she said I needed a hero could lessen it. "You won't." Then something he said stuck out. "And don't worry about being like Cheryl. The stuff she does annoys me because she's Cheryl, and it won't annoy me if you do it because you're you. I...." My face heated up slightly. "I don't think there's anything you could do that would annoy me. Or drive me away."
"I hope not." Owen said. He said it softly, but there was so much strength, so much hope, behind those three words that it felt like he'd shouted them. I smiled, but before I could say anything Owen sighed. "Dammit, it's gonna hang up. You need to request something."
A dozen love songs popped into my head. Yeah, not gonna happen. When I tell Owen that I love him it'll be in person with my own words, not some song someone else wrote. I tried to think of something I actually kinda sorta forgot that I needed to have a song. All I was thinking about was talking to Owen. And then a song, and an idea, popped into my head. "Smile by Uncle Kracker. And, um," I hesitated, then gathered up my courage. "Can I dedicate it to someone?"
"You can." Owen said. He didn't sound annoyed or hurt, which I only realized were possibilities AFTER I didn't hear them in his voice. Way to think ahead Andy. "Who?"
"Y-you." I knew I was blushing again.
"Coming right up." Owen said happily. He hung up, and that's when it hit me that, if anyone was listening, a guy named Andy dedicating a song about someone making them happy to a guy named Owen would send up a pretty big "homo" signal. Especially if Owen's friends listened. I started to panic. Dammit I should have said not to say his own name on the radio!
Turns out I didn't even need to bother. "Our next song is dedicated to Owen and it's from.....someone very important to him. 'Smile' by Uncle Kracker."
The song started to play and the panic was replaced by.....ok, fine, a smile. No pun intended. I lay back on my bed and listened, feeling happy. It was still kind of amazing how much I could say that lately. I'm feeling happy. The only thing that could make me happier right now is if Owen was laying next to me holding my hand.
And, for once, not even the awkward thought of us being in the same bed could take away how much I wanted that.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. If the email address pastes with %40 in the middle, replace that with an @ sign.]