Chapter 11 "Acceptance"
I woke up early in the morning. Josh was still sleeping. The dark gray clouds were gone and our room was flooded by bright yellow rays of sunshine. After carefully removing my right arm and legs from Josh, I got up and went to the bath room.
Marie already seemed to be awake because I heard sounds from downstairs. After taking a peek into Josh's room to grab a shirt and checking if he was still asleep, I went to look for her.
"Good morning Sam. How did you sleep?"
"Great, it has been a long time since I slept through the night. What time is it?"
"Half past seven."
"Wow, half past seven and I can't sleep anymore."
"No wonder, you've been to bed early yesterday night. Is Josh awake?"
"No, he's purring like a cat."
"He always sleeps very much, but you probably know that already." She said with a smile, came closer, kissed me on the cheek and asked if I wanted a tea or hot chocolate.
"Okay, just a minute."
"Marie, can I ask you something?"
"Sure you can."
"You and my mom....what did you talk about?"
"Is it worrying you?"
"A little; I'd like to know."
"She asked me how much I know about you two and what she could do to support you best."
"Did she mention my dad?"
"Yes - she's going to talk to him. Don't worry, everything will be fine."
I needed a moment to think about it, because everybody told me we are going to be fine. But I wasn't sure about that; was I wrong or were they only trying to protect me from anything?
"Why is being in love so difficult?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the ups and downs, feeling sad, being happy or afraid and so on. It makes me go crazy."
Marie smiled at me and placed a mug with steaming fresh hot chocolate in front of me before she sat down on the opposite side of the table.
"Love isn't difficult. It's only a little bit more demanding than people expect it to be."
"But look, I'm here with Josh and you, my mom seems to support me and still I feel uncertain."
"I've no idea."
"Are you afraid of your dad and that he might stop you from seeing Josh?"
"I understand that and it's easy to say that you shouldn't worry about it, but it takes a lot to actually don't. What I can tell you is, that your mom and your dad talked yesterday and that your dad needs some time to accept it, but I really believe that you, Josh and your family will be alright. So don't waste your time by worrying, it has never done any good and you're too young to be driven by sorrow and sadness. Cheer up, live life to the max and let the adults care for the difficult things!"
"It sounds so easy but what can I do, it's a feeling inside of me and I can't just turn it off, can I."
"Go upstairs and appreciate your time with Josh, when you don't think about it and enjoy other things in life, it will go away by itself!"
"You think so."
"OK, I will try."
"You two will have to help yourself with breakfast. I need to work now and will be back for a late lunch. You'll find my phone number on the notepad here in case of anything. See you later Sweety!"
Marie hugged me good-bye before she left the kitchen. I went upstairs after I heard the front door being closed and thought about what she said. Sitting down on the bed next to my lover, I felt better and tried to get rid of my constant worries and enjoy the moment.
Taking off my shirt again I clung to Josh who grabbed my hand and rested it on his chest. I wondered how he could always be so lovely and tender even at sleep. Only seconds later I had one of his legs between mine and we were complete again. Whatever he did, however he moved; it reminded me of how much I loved his wonderfully soft skin. Of course I popped a boner in no time.
A little bit more than a week ago, I would have really been ashamed about that, but this day I just loved it without any worries. 'Yeeehaaaa finally one thing I don't have to worry about' went through my mind.
"Where have you been?" Josh whispered.
"Takin a pee."
"Long pee uh?"
"Yeah, talked to your mom after wards."
"About my mom and dad."
"I missed you." He said with a breathy voice.
I spooned up to Josh and made him feel my love by softly kissing his neck and shoulders.
"It's okay, if you kiss me like that, I can forgive you."
Josh turned around and faced me; his elbow was supporting his head. We looked into each other's eyes. Josh's were the deep blue sea with a little island in the center of it - that's how I would ever describe the colors and the magic of them. Sometimes I felt lost when he stared at me with his incredibly adorable appearance.
"Your hair is all messy." I said taking my hand off him and carefully playing with it.
"Your's too....I like it messy."
Full of love we enjoyed the moment with a smile on our faces, as if time wasn't important anymore. In between the fondling we couldn't resist to kiss one another. His lips met mine. They were a little rough from the night but still soft enough to feel like heaven. The warm and slightly wet feeling made my already hard dick even harder. Josh pushed himself in on me so I could also feel his erection.
The little breeze that came from his nose while we were united was like the stroke of a butterfly's wing. Feeling him all over my body made me shiver and drown in happiness.
"Is my mom already gone?" Josh asked.
He obviously got a satisfying answer. I felt his left hand slide down my back and slip into my boxers touching my bottom. Unsure of what to do, my hand also found its way down his back. The gorgeous butt my fingers felt soon after, was irresistible.
Josh tried to free me from the little fabric by pushing my boxers down. I assisted and did the same to him, so we were free of any barriers between the two of us. Then, he got one step farther than I thought he would go.
A key was put into the lock of the front door. It opened and my dad appeared.
"Hey!" My father said as he entered our house once again after he left last night. My mother was sitting on the couch and had her head buried between her hands.
"Can we talk?"
"Yes, we can."
He closed the door behind him and sat down on the other side of our cocktail table.
"Where have you been?" My mom asked.
"I needed to talk to someone and visited Jerry, we had some drinks and I couldn't drive anymore."
"Why didn't you call to let me know, I was afraid that something happened to you?!"
"I'm sorry...didn't mean to upset you."
"Don't worry about me, worry about our son!"
"Listen, I'm not here to fight. I wanted to talk to you and explain why I couldn't accept my son being gay."
"Couldn't means you now can?"
My dad made a soothing gesture to calm her down.
"Ok, I'm listening!"
"When you told me about Sam, I was in a state of shock, cos I never thought that this could really be happening. It reminded me about a time in my childhood. I was about 8 years old and in our family it was forbidden to say the word gay. Nobody was queer and my parents always said that we don't want dirty people in our village. It was like breaking the law to be different to other people. They were afraid of the unknown, and so was I for the conditioning I had undergone. Everybody just lived their lives as if there was no such thing as being gay."
"In some places they have been really strict about that?"
"Yes definitely. Whenever one of us said anything like that or did even think about it, we had to drop our pants, bend over and received a good spanking from my dad or the priest. It was disgusting."
"Let me continue....one day two boys from the neighborhood were caught making out together. Everone knew it in no time and there was nobody but their mothers that tried to protect the boys. From that day on, they were bullied, reviled and even pushed around by kids and also adults. They were like lepers, nobody cared for them or had any interest in helping the boys. They were both 11 years old and I knew them as kind and befriending persons."
"What happened?" My mother asked interested.
"It was only a week after it all happened when the mothers and the two boys suddenly disappeared. They weren't seen anywhere in public anymore and even their families denied that they've ever been there. But one day, when I was playing out in the woods I found a wooden cottage. It was far away from the village and I guess nobody has been there for a very long time. From the other side of the house I heard a pleading voice that I couldn't understand but the situation itself was frightening with all the dark gray clouds above the trees. I approached the house; remember I was only 8 years old; and what I saw, was the most horrible and terrifying thing I've ever seen."
"What was it?"
"On the backside of the house, there lay three dead bodies bathed in blood; two women and a boy. The other boy of the missing persons was down to his knees and pleading a man to not do it. His shivering voice was painful. He must have seen the man kill the other three and now it was his turn. Without any further word, the man reached back and hit the boy as hard as possible with a shovel directly in his face. I could hear his facial bones break. He slumped down and was dead."
My dad had tears in his eyes and a strained expression on his face.
"Oh my god, did you ever tell this to anyone?"
"No, never. I'd probably be dead if I had."
"Now that's why you are so afraid of Sam being gay?"
"I can't forget what I saw and even if that sounds stupid, I'm afraid of what can happen to him, when he really is. I have never been angry about it, even if it sounded like I was."
"But you were only a boy and you couldn't have changed anything during that time - but we can change something today. The world is not as cruel as in the past anymore regarding people's sexual preference. Be realistic and help me, help Sam by standing up for his decisions! We have to protect and to support him, not patronize."
"I really want to.....how do I know what's the right thing to do?"
"As I said, we have to be there for him and give him the space and help he needs. If you don't know what to do, then imagine what Sam's going through - he is lost in his own world and only finds peace with Josh and his mom. Brad we are losing him, when we aren't there for him and we can't let that happen, can we?"
"So why didn't you talk to me before about it. You first told me, that it's his decision and tried to act cool about it, but now you come up with this horrifying story."
"I don't know, I just thought it doesn't matter. And I never expected it to really happen, that's why I pretended to be easy on it."
"Come here!" My mom said and hugged him for being so brave to tell her the truth.
My dad never cried before as much as I know. This time he softly did saying "I'm sorry honey I just couldn't accept it and was feeling like a little kid, just as you said."
"It's okay, I didn't know that, it must have been a hard time for you. But we have our family now and we have a wonderful son to protect and to care for."
"I know....I know....but what can I do."
"You'll have to accept it because we need to support Sam. He is our blood and we have to be there for him, no matter what. Be the strong man, I love and married. That's what I always wanted and you have been the best thing in the world that happened to me. Please be my husband and the loving father I know, we can make it, trust me."
"I'm trying....I don't want to lose you and Sam.....please help me Rebecca!"
I hadn't released myself for two days now and was horny as hell, but also overwhelmed by the exciting feeling that came up in me when Josh let his left hand go from my bottom to my very private parts.
My heart was beating fast and I jerked a bit when his fingers touched my penis. Closing my eyes I just let it happen to me. Being unable to do anything I dropped on my back and dedicated myself to my lover.
He climbed on top of me with all his weight, which felt as comfortable as confining. Again, the wonderful scent he emitted totally mesmerized me.
Josh stuck out his tongue, touched my belly button and let it go up to my chest, licked on my nipples and continued to my stretched neck. I was amazed what happened because it was so unforseen. When his tongue reached my chin I already had mine stuck out in expectation of his sweet and soft lips on mine.
He didn't just continue on the anticipated path but circled around my mouth and made me go crazy by what he did. I pushed myself into his body which I had enfolded by now to not let him go anywhere. Finally our wet tongues met. To feel his lips on mine let me gasp in anticipation of the upcoming.
His bottom was right on my dick and he slowly rubbed himself on it obviously enjoying every movement; so was I.
I thought to myself.
'What is happening to us; what is he doing to me? Is this love, the true love without any barriers, without asking for permission to show the other how much he feels?'
I had no idea but all I could say was, that no fears were left in that very moment when I felt the love of my life on top of me; so close.
After a kiss which seemed to last forever with our tongues playing the most intense game since exchanging the red cherries, Josh broke it, raised his head and looked into my eyes.
"You like that?" He asked whispering in a soft tone.
"Don't stop it, please!" I begged.
That was all he needed and his lips again embraced mine. The taste of Josh sent shivers down my spine and I let my hands stroke his velvety-soft skin everywhere my hands could reach.
The next thing I know was that his tongue left my mouth for the way down to my belly again and left a wet trail behind it. Here and there he would put a sloppy kiss on my body before reaching my crotch area.
"I love you, Josh....I love you (gasping) so much!"
Without any word from him I felt his right hand on my penis; he pushed back my foreskin, pressed my legs together with his and licked from my balls up to the tip of my manhood.
I was totally in trance, shook my head in disbelief drowning in the act of love that we both experienced.
"Do it, pleasssseee, do it (groaning)!" Was all I could whisper more than say feeling that I was about to burst.
Josh was still busy licking up and down the hard rock I had down there and finally put his lips all around my freed glans nearly gobbling me up.
When the warmth of his mouth reached my senses I couldn't hold it anymore and had the most intense orgasm of my thirteen year old life. I have no idea how many spurts I was sending into his mouth but it felt like the entire Atlantic Ocean. Though I never squirted much before.
Three or four waves reached me and I buckled up clutching Josh's head pushing it even more down on my hard rod; it was sensational.
Don't ask me how long all this took; I can't tell you but everything seemed to be unimportant in comparison to what I just got to know. Though I wished I would have lasted a little longer. Some minutes later my respiration returned to normal.
Josh wiped his mouth, crawled up on me and gave me a final kiss, which I tried to respond to, but was too exhausted from the moments before still trying to relax.
He looked at me and was enjoying what he saw.
"So you liked it?"
"Wooow (breathing hard) that was.....unbelievable!" I said with a huge smile on my face.
"I love you too, and you taste awesome!"
"Here drink that." My mom offered a glass of water to my dad.
"So let me ask you, can you accept your son's decision even if he's only 13?"
"I'll try my best."
"Did you ever think about getting help to forget about your childhood?"
"You mean to go to a shrink? I'm not sick."
"No, but they might help you cope with what you saw in the past. It's not a bad thing to go to a shrink."
"Think about it, please! But the first thing that needs to be done is for you to talk to your son. He needs to know, that we both are there for him, no matter what. I know he loves you very much and he really asked for our help, not just mine, but especially yours. Can you do that?"
"I don't know, really, but I'll try as I said. God I feel awful for what I said and did. The last thing I wanted was to lose you."
"You won't lose me and I'm sorry that I came up with the company thing. I never wanted to do anything that'd hurt you, but please understand that I had to protect our son!"
"I know, it wasn't easy for you as well. But you've always been the stronger part in our family."
"All I want is the three of us to be together in happiness and I couldn't just sit here and watch our family being torn apart."
"Ok sweetheart, let's go out for a walk, I need some fresh air!"
"That's a good idea."
The crazy thing about all this was, that all of this only happened because of fear; we were afraid of the unknown. And fear is the big sister of agony, sadness and aggressiveness.
I was afraid that my parents would hate me, Josh was afraid that I wouldn't love him, my mom was afraid that I was gay and my dad was scared because he didn't want me to suffer from what he experienced in his childhood. So after all I can only say that people should talk more often and open-hearted to each other and many of our problems would go away; even if you sometimes have to talk to a kid about a difficult subject. If you explain it well enough, everybody can understand.
That's what I learned from my story so far. And now, the true happiness can begin.
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