Where Do I Fit In?
by Andrew Foote
Throughout this story real organisations and real people are mentioned by name. Their place in the tale is in the author's imagination. No thoughts, words or deeds attributed to those people or organisations are real, nor have they ever happened. This is a story! It's fiction. The people and organisations, even when they interact with the characters, are presented in an entirely imagined and fictitious manner, and no discourtesy is intended to them by the author nor by the web site.
Lucas looked longingly at the diet sheet.
"I can't believe I'm hungry again? It's almost as if I haven't eaten since last night!"
"Yeah it's very odd. I've always had a reasonable appetite but nothing like this. I know we're exercising regularly and everything but surely that can't be the whole reason?"
Without thinking I picked up the bottle of 'whatever it was I wasn't too sure what it was for' supplement.
"Ah-ha! I think this is it! This stuff we're on is an appetite stimulator. Here, take a look at this.
'This product is designed to stimulate the appetite and used in conjunction with a balanced diet promotes an increase in body mass. Careful regulation of the diet as recommended by a health professional, sports trainer or similar persons will greatly enhance the BMI which in turn can be used to generate muscle development in athletes but can also be used to great effect on persons who have been immobile for any length of time i.e. following prolonged periods of hospital care.
As is the case with all medicines and supplements, the manufacturer's dosage should be adhered to unless otherwise directed by a qualified health or fitness practitioner blah blah blah.' That explains it then! Just a normal reaction to this gloop.
Let's get lunch on the go."
No just your bog-standard salad. A bloody huge salad! Ham, chicken, prawns, three hard-boiled eggs, sweet corn, grapes and of course a mixed salad and four slices of bread and butter.
We looked at our plates and burst out laughing.
"Jeez Andy? This is enough for an entire family! You think we'll manage it?"
"Only one way to find out. Onwards and upwards!"
"Wait, wait! Do you have a set of scales?"
"Yes in the bathroom. Why do you ask?"
"Weigh ourselves and monitor the results over time to see if it's doing what it's supposed to do."
"Okay. Let's do it!"
We weighed ourselves naked and wrote down the results then attacked lunch which surprisingly we finished quite comfortably, then while I was clearing away Lucas knocked up an Excel spread sheet so we could tell at a glance if we were gaining weight.
"If we monitor this daily it should give some sort of indication but how we measure any muscle development I'm not sure."
"Perhaps we should've taken photos before we started on this caper, that way we could tell just by looking."
"It isn't too late for that is it? I mean we've only had like three training sessions and I think it's too soon to see any difference. Why don't we get changed into our swimming gear and take some now?"
We decided to take them up against a neutral background like a door. The idea being the door wouldn't alter size-wise but maybe our bodies would so using the door as a constant, the only difference in the photos might be us.
Lucas took mine first.
"Okay. No posing, no puffing out your chest and no tensing muscles, just a normal photo, right?"
He took three shots. One with me with my legs together and arms by my side, the second with my feet slightly apart and my hands crossed in front of my groin and the third much the same but with my hands behind me. Come his turn I tried to duplicate the shots and once we'd finished, we went up to our bedroom and downloaded them onto our laptops.
"Hey! They're pretty damn good! You look sooo sexy too!"
"Thanks and I know I shouldn't say this but……..so do you……..look sexy I mean."
"Whoa straight boy! Don't you go giving me ideas!"
"Ha! 'Straight boy'. The jury's still out on that one. Call me 'doesn't know, can't make up his mind 'cos he's such a confused boy'. That probably describes me better."
"So there's hope for me yet then?"
I leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips.
"That should say something to you if nothing else does."
Lucas looked stunned for a moment then pulled himself together.
"Actually……..it spoke volumes. That was really sweet of you. I mean, like hugging another guy is one thing, we did it all the time back in the States but kissing? And not only that, such a tender, meaningful kiss? You'd be branded a faggot right away."
"Who's to say I'm not? I just don't know where I fit in. I'm sorry Lucas, I really am. I know just how patient you're being and how difficult it must be for you and everything but I just don't know!"
I was on the verge of tears. Lucas drew me into a cuddle.
"Look I won't lie to you and tell you it's a cakewalk 'cuz it aint. It's a bitch being around you. You're beautiful and I'm nuts about you, I'd give my eye teeth to take you to bed right now and make love to you but…….. I'm not going to. I can wait and whichever way it plays out, at least I'll have the finest friend anyone could hope for. You just chill Andy. Take your time but I need you to promise me just one thing okay? If it is you decide that it's a girl you want? Come clean with me please cuz it's the not knowing that's the killer in all of this. You know, despite that asshole pastor, I still have a faith. I pray at night. I pray for you, not for God to make you gay but just for him to give you happiness no matter how you discover yourself. I'm in love with you and that's all I want for you. Share your happiness with me no matter what."
I sniffed back the tears.
"I don't have your faith, sometimes I wish I did but if there is a God up there then let him bear witness to this. I promise you with all my heart not just to share my happiness with you but try to make you happy as well."
That set Lucas off but he managed to gain control fairly quickly.
"C'mon Andy. Let's go catch some rays. This is all getting a bit heavy and I promised myself not to go pressurising you."
We did catch some rays as he put it but not before we finished cuddling. I just needed that closeness somehow and whilst I truly didn't know my feelings or at least how to translate the messages my brain was sending out, I did know that my life had changed and that I needed Lucas somehow. I had never been so close to another individual in my life.
The After-sun lotion Lucas was putting on my back felt freezing!
"It's okay you know? I never burn! Anyway that stuff, it's fucking cold!!"
"Well no harm in taking precautions."
He pulled the waistband of my trunks down slightly.
"Yeah you've definitely caught the sun! Lilly-white ass and a red back! Wanna do me now?"
"Oh shit Lucas? Now you've really caught it! You'll be sore come the morning!"
"Probably. It doesn't matter but next time remind me to use some sun block will-ya? I aint got your olive complexion!"
"Okay. If it does get sore I'll kiss it better. How does that sound?"
" Belay that last order! No sun block required! Damn! Next time I'll go for an 'all-over' tan if that's what you're gonna do!"
"Yeah right! Moving swiftly on? Hungry?"
"Famished! I'll fix it, you've done all the catering to date."
"Cheers. While you're doing that I'll go and pack the kit for tonight."
'Tea' wasn't really a meal as such, more of a light snack as it isn't a good idea to train on a full stomach much less swim on one. It was actually very difficult to stop ourselves from overdoing things in that regard. We'd grown used to big meals, our systems seemed to be demanding more and more food as the days progressed so a tiddly little snack was something of a frustration!
Again we elected to jog to the pool rather than cycle it. We talked almost the entire way and once we were waiting outside for Alec to arrive, a thought struck me.
"Did you notice anything while we were jogging here?"
"Well the last time we did it, we were pretty much out of puff by the time we got here, not only that but we hardly spoke to each other but tonight neither of us was in the slightest bit breathless and we yapped pretty much constantly."
"Hell! You're right! Maybe we are building up some stamina."
Then we heard Alec's voice.
"Sorry but I couldn't help overhearing. Yes you will be. Even at this early stage you'll be noticing differences in your level of fitness and also endurance. Just to demonstrate, tonight we'll duplicate everything we did on Tuesday. That last time you were hurting weren't you but tonight I can guarantee you won't. At your age, your body can adapt very quickly and already, even though it's only been a matter of a few days, your diet and supplements will be working hard building up your body mass and alright, it's not noticeable yet but trust me, already you're stronger, more muscular than you were.
This process moves very quickly to begin with and in a couple of weeks you'll look in the mirror and see a completely different 'you' but then at around six months, let's say by the New Year, that accelerated growth will slow down, it doesn't stop but it's not the dramatic change you'll be seeing very soon.
Shall we make a start?"
We changed and made our way to the gym.
"Okay lads. Same as before. Four lengths of the gym as fast as you can please."
We then went on to duplicate everything we'd done on Tuesday and once finished, Alec grinned at us.
And you Andy?
"Yes. I feel really good!"
"See what I mean? Two days ago, two short days ago and you felt as if every muscle in your body was screaming at you but tonight and with no training yesterday, barring anything you might've done at home and now look at you. Fresh as daisies but I'll soon rectify that because you're going to do it all over again so……...four lengths of the gym double quick please!"
Weird! Very strange!
We finished all the exercises and except for some slight aching, we were both fine.
"How does that work Alec? I mean neither of us hurt so much yet we've done double what we did Tuesday?"
"Very simple. Amazing but simple. You're adapting very quickly. It's very uncommon to see such a fast transformation. Did you do much at home by way of exercises?"
"Nah not really. Andy found a couple of five litre paint cans so we did a load of those arm exercises, we did some press-ups, sit-ups and stuff is all. Most of the time we got lazy and practiced those sensory things, counting and stuff!"
"There just as important to you. Make time for both if you can. How about handstands? Any luck with them?"
"Pretty okay I think. Lucas managed, what was it? 20 seconds?"
"Yeah but then I got a bit dizzy and had to stop!"
"I could only manage 18 seconds."
"No worries. The longest you're likely to be in that position is 10 so that's fine. Did you try walking on your hands?"
"No. Our lawn's a bit on the lumpy side. We thought it might be a bit dangerous."
"I understand. No matter. Tomorrow we'll give it a go. If you can last 18 or 20 seconds, sure as shit you'll be able to walk like that!
Okay then. Poolside please so Mr Coughlan can put you through your paces but remember what I told you. You definitely will not be doing anything flashy. Trust him. He knows what he's doing! I'll see you in the morning."
He wasn't kidding! Kiddie stuff it certainly was but how he explained things, it did make sense.
"Alright boys? Tonight you're going back to kindergarten. I need to determine a jumping off point and a lot of this is how well you're getting on with your counting together.
You see if that's not close to being right, there's no point in you climbing up to a five metre table, screw it up and have to do the climb again is there? No, we can do it poolside."
He literally had us sitting on the side with our feet on the hand rail, counting to three silently then rolling into the water!
Two attempts, both slightly out with our timing.
"No too bad but not good enough. Try this. Count and one, and two, and three then roll. Like the second hand on your watches. Try it out loud."
"One, and two, and three and roll!"
"Pretty good, now let's try it in practice."
We concentrated hard. Mr Coughlan blew the whistle and silently we counted before rolling into the water.
We knew it had been almost spot on the money and when we surfaced we bumped fists and hugged each other.
"You knew that was good didn't you! A harsh judge might've dropped a point but overall it was very commendable!
Okay. Now let's try a standing dive. I need to see you standing apart but close enough to touch hands but you're not to. Distance, perspective, remember?
Now use the same timing method and take your places."
We took up a stand poolside but Mr Coughlan looked sceptical.
"I think you're too close. I want to see straight arms and find each other's hands please."
We reached out for each other and immediately our hands met as we wrapped our fingers together at the second knuckle.
"That is nothing short of remarkable and I owe you boys an apology! That was perfect placing! You must be spending a lot of time together."
"Every day and night except Wednesday."
"Wow! You're not getting bored with each other?"
"No sir! It's great!"
"Long may it continue! Okay then, let's go back to where we were. I want to see a simple pike dive in time please. You count on my whistle."
The dive was 'a goodun!!'
"Very good! Lucas, your legs were slightly bent back otherwise fine."
"Yeah sorry. I let go my knees a tad early. Do you want us to go again?"
"No. I've seen all I need to see for tonight. Stick with what you've been doing and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at the same time……..and by the way. Well done the pair of you! Night."
We walked through to the shower block unaware of the conversation going on behind our back.
"Did you see any of that Alec?"
"Yes I did. Seemed to me as if those kids had been on the program for a couple of months rather than a couple of days?"
"That's exactly how I saw it. How are they in the gym?"
"Enthusiastic! On Tuesday, the session left them both knackered but that's what I expected to see but tonight, like I said, not only did I make them do it all over again, they came back for more and they doubled it and without hardly backward glance! Not only that Liam, they're great kids. So happy doing what they're doing, happy in each other's company but the strangest thing is, it's almost as if they think as one entity. Oh come on? Nobody does push-ups in sequence but they do? They run a circuit? I'll bet you a penny to a quid you won't see any difference in their tread, pace or anything else come to that. It's as if they're operating with a single brain!"
"Hmm. I think it's time we upped the ante with these two. Can you lay your hands on a couple of heart monitors?"
"Yes I should think so. Why?"
"Because I want you to push them hard tomorrow night and I mean hard. I need to see how their bodies react to serious exertion and unless I've missed my guess, maybe it's time to accelerate the program beyond what we'd planned. When are they due back in school?"
"They're state educated so that'll be on September 5 th ."
"Okay. I'll arrange for the SCGB to write to their Head Teacher and request that they're withdrawn from all sports and physical education. I don't want anything to disrupt their training program with us and if it's necessary, we'll have to find a way to fill in that time with training of our own."
"Dodford Leisure Centre is just across the road from their school and depending on their timetable I could probably meet them there and do some weight training, get them on the rowing machines or whatever. It was something we were going to do in the fullness of time anyway and like you said, it's only a case of bringing it forward."
"Good. Can you grab them before they leave and explain what we're going to do tomorrow?"
"I'm on it!"
"So what we're planning on doing is to really give you guys a serious workout. We'll be recording your heart rate to try and get some sort of an idea as to how far we're able to push you without doing any damage! Only joking but we do need to see just how well your metabolisms are coping under strain. Don't worry. I won't be asking you to do anything I know you're not capable of okay?"
We both nodded our heads in agreement.
"We're also going to request via the SCGB that you're withdrawn from all sports activities at school and replace that time with training of our own, probably over at Dodford."
"That won't go down very well! I mean don't they have to get us to do a certain number of hours PE?"
"Yes they have a legal requirement in that regard but let's face it, what we'll be replacing it with will be twenty times what you might otherwise be doing. Under certain circumstances special dispensation can be granted and this is one of them Andy."
"But our head sports teacher, what if he insists?"
"He won't. If he's any sort of a professional which I'm sure he is, he'll understand the need for you to have continuity and will be fine with it. The only reason the government introduced the edict that all children of school age did a minimum number of hours of sport activity was due to the rise in obesity amongst kids and you're hardly likely to be that ever! Even if he gets a bit grumpy about it, he's not likely to fly in the face of a request from the SCGB is he?"
"I hope you're right!"
"Look. If there's the slightest hint of a problem then you are to call me. Okay I don't carry much weight in these matters but Liam Coughlan does and he'll sort everything."
Back home, my Mum placed our supper in front of us.
"Well at least you don't look as bushed as you did on Tuesday! Something must be working?"
"We're just getting used to it I guess. Each time we train, they up the stakes a bit, slowly increasing the amount of work although tomorrow we might come back dead!"
Jo was studying our plates.
"Sweet Mary Mother of God! They'll never eat all that Mum!"
"Well so far I've seen nothing but empty plates Jo but I must admit, that amount of food for boys of their age to eat is almost obscene!"
Jo watched us intently as we waded our way through the meal then on seeing us put our now empty plates in the dish washer, shook her head in disbelief.
"Well if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I'd have said it was impossible! How come you guys aren't like enormously fat and everything? I mean as it is you're really fit, not like in 'fit' fit, well perhaps that as well now I come to think of it but 'fit' as in trim, solid and muscular."
"We're not muscular, well not as yet anyway."
"Who are you trying to kid! Don't you ever look in the mirror? Okay you're both wearing jeans and tees so I can't see that much but look at your forearms, your biceps and your necks. Yeah talking of your necks? Before your neck came down from your heads and then your shoulders were like ninety degrees to them but now you've got these muscles tapering down making you look like the Incredible Hulk but without the green hue!"
Lucas howled with laughter!
"Oh lovely! Now we're being likened to the Jolly Green Giant!"
"Hey! You should take that as a compliment Yankee Doodle? He was my fantasy man when I was about fourteen! Being swept up in his powerful arms and carried off to his……..well you know what I mean!"
My mother was quietly having hysterics.
"Maybe you should go and have a cold shower before you go all 'unnecessary' on us young lady! She's right though. You're both changing slowly but surely. Even I can see it. Look it's just gone 10 so you lads better start thinking about bed."
In many respects, bed time was the most difficult part of the day. Don't get me wrong, I loved being with Lucas. I loved they softness of his skin, the way he smelt, his soft voice, our cuddles and kisses and yet selfish as it may sound given what he must be having to put up with, I found it all really frustrating. I knew that I loved him but why couldn't I fathom out where I stood with all this sexuality crap? There was a big part of me that desperately wanted to go further with Lucas but then this nagging doubt kept coming into my head, 'was I really wanting him or was it that I was just some hormonal kid who needed to get off' and anyway, if I did push thing further then discovered that either I wasn't ready or I did prefer girls, how cruel would that be on him? To have a taste of what he wanted only to have it snatched away from him? Oh God, why does it all have to be so complicated?
I spooned into him, my very hard erection pressing into the small of his back and drifted off into oblivion.
The following morning I woke before the alarm. Lucas was still asleep but I could feel his stiffie poking me under my balls and this caused my little trouser snake to inflate to its usual hard three and a half inches.
I disentangled myself and checking the coast was clear, made my way to the bathroom and by the time I returned Lucas was awake and also in need of the toilet. I packed our kit and was just about to get dressed when he walked back into the room.
Now I see him naked like all the time but each time is as if it's the first and I couldn't help but stare at him.
"Nothing……..absolutely nothing. You are just so beautiful, that's all! Oh God Lucas? I want you so much but I'm frightened!"
He drew me into an embrace.
"I know you do. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me, it's written all over your face but there's no need to be frightened Andy. Just go with your feelings."
"Look. Let's talk about it when we get back alright? We really should get our skates on ya-know?"
"Yes I know. I'm sorry."
"You've nothing to be sorry about! C'mon, let's get out of here!"
Again we jogged to the pool where we were met by Alec.
"I love the way you kids insist on jogging here. It shows commitment, a will to succeed. Have you not got bikes?
"Yes but sometimes in the morning we wake up stiff and you can shut up Andy! You know, following the training of the evening before followed by a heavy meal so we both thought it better to shake the dust before we started over."
"That's good and it's okay but you need to be aware of the difference between sensible exercising and overdoing things. Some people become obsessive about their fitness levels where in fact they end up doing themselves more harm than good. I can well understand why they do what they do. Remember what I said about the pain barrier and an adrenalin rush? You can become addicted to it so please just be aware.
Okay then. Tonight as I told you yesterday, I'll be asking you to try and get to that point where you really believe you can do no more. I'm not going to ask you to break through it, we've time enough for that but Mr Coughlan will be recording your heart rate and such so we can understand where you are in regards to your progress so four lengths of the gym please as fast as you can."
This was followed by handstands and lessons in walking on our hands, mainly turning ourselves through 180 degrees without falling over. Practice makes perfect as they say. Yeah we needed practice!
We took our half mile swim then got changed and met Alec outside.
"Nice work lads! Proud of you! Might I suggest that you bike here tonight? I don't think you'll be any fit state to walk home let alone jog!"
We got back and had breakfast. Lucas seemed very quiet throughout and once we'd cleared the dishes he took my hand and ushered me upstairs.
"There's something I need to show you Andy, something important."
He shook off his clothes and stood in front of me completely naked and turned around, not once but twice.
"You've seen all of me and everything you've seen, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes is yours, all yours so if and when you're ready, no need to ask because I'm giving myself to you to do whatever you want with and in any way you choose. Andy I love you so much! Please will you accept me?"
I was struck dumb. I felt feint, it was if the world had stopped turning. I cried and taking him in my arms, we fell onto the bed, both of us sobbing our hearts out.
It took us an age before we calmed down and for me to find my voice.
"I accept Lucas. Stick with me, please stick with me. I think I'm almost there."
"There's no hurry, you do what feels right for you. I just wanted you to know that I'm yours without reservation."
That morning was a total write-off as we lay in bed together right the way through until lunchtime. I'd been so taken aback with what Lucas had done I hadn't ever bothered undressing but it didn't seem to matter somehow. I knew that this morning had been a turning point in our relationship, something in my head had slotted neatly into place.
I looked down on him as he slept and tried to understand what exactly I was feeling towards him. Oh God he was just so perfect! Had he been a girl, all the boys at school would've been queuing up to date him, most likely with me at the bottom of the pile but here he was almost begging me to make love to him, giving himself to me body and soul but what if I messed up? I mean I've never gone further than kiss a girl, in fact I've done more with Lucas than I have with anyone else but with a girl, I mean I know the mechanics of sex with them even if I've not had the opportunity to put it into practice but two boys together? How does that work? I wouldn't know where to start!
I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up an image of Loraine Ifield who was arguably the sexiest girl in my school. I tried to mentally undress her but I couldn't manage it and actually, I felt slightly disgusted with myself but as soon as I captured a mental image of Lucas, the feelings that ripped through my mind left me in no doubt as to which direction I was headed, there was simply no competition. Given the option of having Lucas as my partner, friend and lover against Loraine, Lucas won hands down every time and it was with that realisation I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers. He stirred but continued to sleep. My hand continued its journey south across his chest, his abs firm with that slight muscle definition. His nipples became hard like peanuts, a new phenomenon to me. I leaned forward and took one of them between my lips and carefully suckled on it marvelling on how something like a nipple, something so ordinary, something I'd always just taken for granted was now turning me on so very much. I could sense Lucas's breathing increase, his heart pounding in his chest as I continued licking and sucking on the little nub as my hand continued to explore him. I gently stroked the flat plane of his stomach, pausing there, unsure whether or not to proceed further, the thought that he might have woken never occurred to me but then I heard him whisper.
"For God's sake don't stop! Please Andy…….?"
I ran my fingers under his ball sac which had drawn itself tight into his body and gently stroked his perineum. Lucas was almost crying, begging me to finish what I'd started.
Me? I was scared shitless! I knew what I had to do, touch another boy 'down there', touch……..no, not just another boy, touch Lucas in the most sacred and intimate of places, give him the release he so desperately needed. My hand was shaking uncontrollably as my fingers wrapped around his throbbing penis. It felt wonderful! Rock hard yet soft as mole skin, hot as a furnace. I carefully massaged his length all the time watching as the tip of his cock appeared then disappeared from under his foreskin, the heady, musky aroma of 'boy' invading my senses as he writhed around on the sheets and then it was over. Lucas almost screamed at me.
"Oh fuck yeah! Oh yes Andy YESSSS!! Oh GOD!"
If it were possible, I swear his dick got bigger as it expelled a couple of drops of clear fluid which dribbled down coating my fingers and realising that by now he would be hyper-sensitive to the touch, I wiped them on my tee shirt before laying down beside him, facing him and looking into his eyes noticing a few tears rolling down his face which I kissed away.
"Oh Andy! I've waited so long for this moment, sometimes not daring to believe it would actually happen. I know you're unsure of your feelings, you didn't have to do that you know?"
"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to! I needed to because now I understand my feelings. What I feel for you is love, pure and simple. I want you, need you. What that entails I've no idea so you'll have to teach me. Can you………I mean will you?"
"We'll teach each other. This is all new to me as well. Remember all my experience has been through rape and abuse, not love and tenderness. No this is completely new territory and one we'll explore together."
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