What The Hell?
by Andrew Foote
I wandered home just thinking about the evening, the girls' attitude and Simon of course!
I couldn't stop thinking about just how natural it was between us all.
I never was comfortable around girls, they were like from another planet or something but these guys were like as if I'd known them for years and I wanted to let them know that I liked them and stuff and enjoyed their company but didn't fancy them or nothing. I didn't know how to go about it.
I got home and fired up the laptop Simon had lent me.
Reckon Janette had been feeling the same way as me cos I had an email from her.
"Hey!! Brill evening! Your Simon is soo funny! I can see why you like him so much! I hope you understand that nothing will ever happen between us or anything but you guys are on our kiss-list and let's go for Friday!
I fired back.
We loved the evening too.
I don't just like Simon, oh bollocks! I love him and you virginity is safe with me. Hey! Sorry I touched you up but you've nice tits, seriously! I hope you and Olivia are okay with us cos we are really looking forward to Friday night.
I've saved up some money so we could do the cinema and catch a snack after, that is if you guys want to.
Better go now.
Email me back and let me know stuff, okay?
Thursday December 10th 2009 06.00hrs.
Oh fucking wow!
Email from Janette sent rather late last night, or should that be rather early this morning!
It was this.
I really admire you, you know that? So up-front with your feelings for Simon, you make me feel sooo inadequate cos I'd love to say all the things I feel for Olivia but I was scared shitless. You guys have shown me the way and as Simon said, fuck them all!
By the way. I actually wasn't bothered about you touching me up that time, it was sorta sexy but I had to smack you cos I'd have lost cred if I hadn't, you understand?
Anyhow. Just wanted to say that you and Simon are very special and not just to me but also to Ol. We recon you are the true boyfriends, comfy with each other and comfy around us.
Well fucking cool if you ask me!!
Rock on Friday! Oh and by the way. I've got some spare cash as well, quite a bit actually so let's go somewhere swanky rather than KFC or shit. Bernado's, the Italian place down Sheep Street is okay so I'm going to book a table for nine-thirty if that's ok with you two.
Probably catch up at school tomorrow so let me know if you'd rather not but here's the deal, you buy the flick tickets, I'll do the meal.
Well special blokes! Thanks!
How fucking awesome is that
Saturday December 12th 2009 07.30hrs.
Yeah so I skipped a day!
Pissing computer froze on me so I couldn't write anything!
Working now thanks to Ol. Fucking genius if you ask me! Kicked it just in the right place!
Last night was fab personified!!
Simon and I met with the girls at the cinema. I bought the ticket and sweets and stuff and watched the latest Harry Potter, what was it called? Oh right! Crystal Skull or summat.
It was alright but not as good as the earlier ones but who cares anyway. We were with mates, like true mates! Fuck all matters after that!
Oh the meal was good! Oh and yeah! We were very well behaved as well. No horsing about or nothing, - just behaved like adults.
Well different. Good too, cos the waiter let us have wine with the meal and we appreciated that and stuff so we left a tip an I hope it wasn't too big so as to give us away as naïve but just as we were getting up from the table, the manager came over and gave us a small glass of some Italian strong after dinner drink.
Hey! It was for free so I drank it as did Ol but Simon and Janette decided to leave alone.
Nice touch though. We're only kids really and we'd just had respect from adults. That is just sooo fucking cool!!
Nah! We never disgraced ourselves. I could do adult more often if pushed!
I'm so pissing tired and I'm getting all those dark thoughts again damn it.
I've re-read my diary and I recon if I hadn't had that fucking puncture everything would be different.
I wouldn't have had to sit next to Simon in class and like as not, probably wouldn't have got even to speak to him.
No matter. What's happened has happened and there's fuck-all I can do about it now.
It's well odd though. When I'm with him it's like I'm floating on air and just sooo pissing happy but when I'm not, with him that is, I feel so very low and I cry like a bloody girl.
I had a little look on the net and found out that pretty much sums up what love is and how it affects you. I'm not sure I like being in love. It hurts like fuck.
Why the fuck does it have to be another boy? Why not a bit of pussy?
Guess I'm gonna have to face the fact that I'm a fucking poof and make the most of it.
I wonder how Simon feels at night or better, how Simon feels at night!!
Hey that's better! I just made myself laugh! Got to get positive!
I'm going to ask the old folk if Simon can stay over sometime.
I wonder how Buffalo Bill will react cos he sorta knows doesn't he but nothing ventured and all that shit.
Still, I'm going to get some shut-eye. Can't wait till the morning cos I know I'll feel better then.
Sunday December 13th 2009 07.30hrs.
Email from Simon last night. Just three words but enough to make me ball my fucking eyes out.
I miss you.
Just that but now I know I'm not the only one who hurts at night and I think that makes me feel better.
I'm going to mail him back after brekki.
Simon you arsehole!
Why did you have to make me fucking cry?
Only kidding! Not about the crying, I did that alright but just that you must have been feeling exactly the way I was cos I was feeling so lonely and sad last night.
Can I come over later? PLEASE!!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry and everything but I got you back after what I went through last night. My pillow was still damp this morning!
Come over any time you like but we can't swim til this afternoon cos the pool's being cleaned and stuff but it would be brill just to be with you and everything.
Oh and hey........
No. Forget it. I'll tell you later, sorry!
What a singularly fuck-awesomely fab day!
Oh fuck! Where do I start?
I poled over to Simons place about 10 and we had a cup of tea with his folks.
They said they were going to church for 11 and did we want to go with them. Simon said no but I said like why the fuck not……..well I didn't actually say that……..not really……..what I actually said was yeah, why not maybe cos I haven't been to church like for centuries and everything. Simon just pouted and shrugged his shoulders but I knew he was just joshing really!
It was well cool and yeah, sexy too!
I hoped God didn't mind but when we were kneeling down for prayers I held Simons hand! It was well special!
At the end of the service, you know during that quiet reflective time before you troop out, I asked God if he minded that I was a fucking fairy and shit like I couldn't help what I was feeling an stuff like that.
I felt better after that. Well at least he knows now doesn't he? I'm not sinning like deliberately and stuff?
Actually, I don't know if being a faggot is a sin? Perhaps I should ask the Vicar, then again perhaps fucking not!!
When we got back to his, - we played x-box til lunch time and then after lunch his dad told us that the pool was okay to use but to let our grub go down first.
They were going over to see Simon's gran and normally he would tag along with them but like they wouldn't inflict the senile old bat on me and so as long as we behaved, we could stay behind.
Anyway we played a game of chess for an hour but then I remembered something, Simon's email. So I asked him what it was I had to forget until later.
He blushed scarlet but then he told me that he'd bought a prezzi for me.
He'd bought me a ring! A pinkie ring!
I didn't know what to say! I just slipped it on and hugged him! Then the devil got to me! I asked him if this meant we were engaged or summat!
He said summat like "I wish we could be" and I said "Let's just pretend we are" and we both had a little cry.
We didn't go swimming.
We went to bed instead.
God? Maybe it's wrong. I dunno but let me put it to you like this.
How can anything that feels so fucking beautiful, makes us both feel so wanted, special and loved be wrong?
We're not hurting anybody, molesting anybody or nuthin, just loving each other and showing our feelings for each other the only way we know how and God? It is just so seriously special!!
I wish you could tell me but it's like this. I'm not sure, even if you told me it was a sin, that I could stop now cos I really do love Simon and I know he loves me in return.
Well I guess I'll find out when the Grim Reaper comes and says hi but until then, I'm going to make you a promise.
I promise that I will always love Simon no matter what. I promise that I will never hurt him, mentally or physically and I know I'm still just a snot-nosed kid but I promise that I will always be there for him no matter what life throws at us.
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